Illinois may soon allow casino gambling and video gaming

The Giants were outmanned against the Browns on Sunday night and Joe Judge knew it. So the typically conservative coach made a pair of aggressive gambles, bypassing a pair of chip-shot field goals early in the game. The risks didn’t pay off and the Giants lost, 20-6.
“Field goals weren’t going to win this game,” Judge said. “I’m not afraid to call things aggressively. I’m not afraid if I think we have a good scheme in the kicking game to call a fake. I’m not afraid to run the ball on fourth-and-1.”
Judge’s assessment was right. The Browns had scored 83 points in their previous two games. With top cornerback James Bradberry on the COVID-19 reserve list and backup quarterback Colt McCoy replacing injured starter Daniel Jones, Judge knew his team needed to maximize its scoring opportunities.
Had the Giants “taken the points” when in field goal range, they would have finished with 12 points. The Giants, who dropped to 5-9, needed touchdowns to compete, but they didn’t execute in the game’s biggest moments.
“We have to do a better job of making sure that we coach the right way, execute it the right way and come out with the results we want,” Judge said. “With that being said, we’re going to call this game aggressively and we’re going to play it aggressively. When you make calls like that, you let your players understand that you have confidence in them and that they can play the game aggressively. We have confidence in our players. I want them to go out and play aggressively. I can’t tell them all week that they have to go into this game with an aggressive mindset and then hold them back at some point where we feel like we have a chance to make a play.”
It’s fair to question the play call on the fake field goal the Giants attempted on fourth-and-5 from Cleveland’s 8-yard line on the game’s opening possession. The Giants spread their formation, with five players splitting wide to the left, two players lining up wide to the right and only three linemen in front of punteholder Riley Dixon.
Center Nick Gates snapped the ball to Dixon and then drifted into the end zone. Dixon, who played quarterback in high school and was renowned for his fake punts at Syracuse, tried to loft a pass to the 6-foot-5, 307-pounder. But the Browns weren’t fooled, and the pass was too high for the triple-covered Gates.
“(The Browns) did a good job,” Judge said. “They obviously fell off and made the coverage. Mike (Priefer) does a real good job of coaching those guys. They were situational — there was a little confusion at first, but they settled on down. We thought we had a chance at it. It was worth rolling the dice right there and playing to our defense. They made a play, we didn’t.”
The Giants defense forced a turnover on downs on the ensuing possession, giving the offense the ball back at New York’s 43. The Giants then drove for a 37-yard Graham Gano field goal to take a 3-0 lead. After a Browns touchdown, the Giants again drove deep into Cleveland territory.
Faced with fourth-and-2 from the Cleveland 6, Judge remained aggressive. But a Wayne Gallman run was stuffed short of the first-down marker and the Browns took over on downs. They then marched 95 yards to take a commanding 13-3 lead into halftime.
It’s easy to second-guess Judge’s decisions, but he understood the necessity to score touchdowns since the Browns were able to move the ball without much resistance. Cleveland only had one punt in the first three quarters, icing the game with a 14-play, 95-yard touchdown drive that stretched from midway through the third quarter into the fourth quarter.
“That’s the way that you have to go ahead and play it sometimes,” Judge said. “We have to go ahead and make the decision to be aggressive. Obviously, their team scored a lot of points throughout the year, with an explosive offense that does a very good job of moving it, sustaining it — they’ve really been on a hot streak lately. We knew coming in what type of team they were and we had to call the game a certain way.”
Here are six more takeaways from the loss:
1. Last week was a crazy one for the Giants, although that’s become the norm in this compromised COVID-19 season. The team canceled Thursday’s practice out of caution after offensive coordinator Jason Garrett tested positive for COVID-19 on Wednesday. Offensive assistant Stephen Brown tested positive for the virus on Friday, but the Giants were fortunate to avoid the type of spread that has caused other teams to have games postponed this season.
Garrett must quarantine for at least 10 days, so he wasn’t at Sunday’s game. That meant tight ends Freddie Kitchens called plays against the team that fired him last December after one disastrous season as head coach.
The Giants were also without Bradberry because he was deemed a high-risk close contact of a chiropractor who tested positive for COVID-19 on Thursday. The chiropractor treated Bradberry away from the Giants’ facility. High-risk close contacts must quarantine for five days, so the Giants’ top cornerback was sidelined.
Adding another obstacle, outside linebackers coach Bret Bielema left the team on Saturday to become the head coach at the University of Illinois. Inside linebackers coach Kevin Sherrer, defensive assistant Jody Wright and special assistant to the general manager Jessie Armstead coached the position on Sunday.
“It wasn’t our first time missing a practice, it wasn’t our first time having someone test positive for COVID, it wasn’t our first time having to fill things in,” safety Logan Ryan said. “We’re not the only team dealing with this, so that’s definitely not an excuse. In these situations, I expect myself and my team to step up and win.”
There weren’t any drastic changes to the offense with Kitchens calling plays, as he was working from a game plan devised by Garrett, who participated in meetings virtually after his positive test. McCoy took some shots early, hitting Sterling Shepard for 22 yards on a back-shoulder fade on the opening drive and then finding an open Darius Slayton for a 35-yard gain on the Giants’ second possession.
But McCoy’s limitations were evident. Tight end Evan Engram was open for a touchdown on the second possession, but McCoy’s pass was late and lacked zip, which allowed safety Karl Joseph to bat the ball away in the end zone.
McCoy completed 19 of 31 passes for 221 yards with no touchdowns and no turnovers. But he was just 12 of 20 for 138 yards before padding his stats during two garbage-time drives.
“We’ve got to score some points,” McCoy said. “Coming out of this game, that’s my frustration is we didn’t do enough down in the red zone. A lot of that’s on me and I’ve got to be more detailed, I’ve got to be better down there. I think if you want to point the finger at anybody you can point it at me. I need to be better.”
The offense hasn’t been good all season, but it’s been particularly feeble recently. The Giants have combined for 13 points in the past two games and haven’t reached 20 points in any of their past four games.
Those four games have been split between a hobbled Jones and McCoy. Judge said the decision to sit Jones on Sunday was easy after the second-year quarterback was clearly hindered by his hamstring injury in last week’s 27-6 loss to the Cardinals. Jones sprained his ankle in that game and was limited in practice all week.
“The decision for me was simple,” Judge said. “He obviously had two injuries this week. He was worse off than he was before. I didn’t think that at the state of where I saw him at practice this week that I was doing the best thing by Daniel long-term. I have to make decisions from 30,000 feet. I have to look at what’s best for this team in a short-term. I also have to consider our players long-term. I have to consider the safety of the guy going forward.”
2. The Giants sold out to stop Cleveland’s potent rushing attack and that approach was effective. The Browns were limited to 106 yards on 30 carries (3.5 yards per carry). They averaged 156.2 yards per game and 4.9 yards per carry entering Sunday.
The problem was that the Giants needed to keep big personnel on the field to achieve that goal. That took a coverage player away, and quarterback Baker Mayfield proceeded to shred the Giants’ soft zone coverage.
“Hats off to Baker,” Ryan said. “He played really efficiently today. If we didn’t have respect for him before, we definitely have it now. He was one of the most efficient quarterbacks we have gone against this year.”
Mayfield completed 27 of 32 passes for 297 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions. Safety Julian Love shifted to cornerback to replace Bradberry. Rookie safety Xavier McKinney took slot cornerback Darnay Holmes’ (knee) spot in the nickel defense. Defensive coordinator Patrick Graham clearly wanted to protect his undermanned secondary, but that led to huge soft spots in the Giants’ coverage.
Mayfield had a 2-yard touchdown early in the second quarter when linebacker Devante Downs lost tight end Austin Hooper in zone coverage on third-and-goal. Downs didn’t play another snap after the blown coverage. Mayfield’s second touchdown came against rare man coverage, when he delivered a perfect throw to Jarvis Landry for a 2-yard touchdown against cornerback Isaac Yiadom.
Making matters worse for the secondary, the Giants’ pass rush was non-existent. Defensive tackle Dexter Lawrence dropped Mayfield for a sack early in the third quarter. That was the Giants’ only quarterback hit of the game.
Lawrence was a key piece of the blockbuster trade between the Giants and Browns that sent wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. to Cleveland in 2019. The Giants acquired a first-round pick in that trade and used it to select Lawrence, who also batted down a fourth-down pass by Mayfield in the first quarter.
The Giants’ edge rushing group is so depleted due to injuries and the trade of Markus Golden that David Mayo played outside linebacker in the base defense on Sunday night. Mayo is best suited as a special teamer and backup inside linebacker. Using him on the edge illustrated the Giants’ lack of pass rushers.
No pass rush and soft coverage led to the Browns converting 9 of 13 third downs, which had been a strength for the Giants in recent weeks.
3. The Giants have crashed back to earth after their four-game winning streak that culminated in a 17-12 upset of the Seahawks in Week 13. They’ve lost the two games since by a combined 46-13 score.
Though the team has made strides under Judge, the recent rough patch served as a harsh reminder of the roster’s shortcomings. This is still the same roster that started 1-7 and these players can’t be expected to play a perfect game every week.
Still, the Giants are right in the thick of the NFC East race because first-place Washington lost 20-15 to Seattle on Sunday. The 6-8 Washington Football team hosts the 4-10 Panthers next week before a season finale matchup with the 4-9-1 Eagles. The Cowboys improved to 5-9 with a 41-33 win over the 49ers on Sunday and they actually are in second place since they hold the head-to-head tiebreaker over the Giants.
The Giants and Cowboys will meet in the season finale. Before that, the Giants travel to surging Baltimore in Week 16.
For those checked out of the playoff race, the Giants are now slated to hold the 10th pick in the draft.
Sunday’s loss ensures that the Giants will finish with a losing record for the fourth consecutive season and the seventh time in eight seasons. Their lack of progress was evident on Sunday night since the Browns improved to 10-4 just three seasons after going 0-16 in 2017.
The Browns and Giants had the top two picks in the 2018 draft. The Browns took Mayfield, while the Giants took running back Saquon Barkley, who has been on injured reserve since tearing his ACL in Week 2. The Browns are 23-22-1 since the 2018 draft and are headed to the playoffs this season. Meanwhile, the Giants 14-32 over the past three seasons.
The dynamics of each franchise have been different, but Cleveland’s upward trajectory and success this season show how quickly teams can rebuild in the NFL.
4. The Giants offensive line bounced back after allowing eight sacks last week against Arizona. Cleveland’s lone sack came on the second-to-last play of the game when the Giants were in an obvious passing situation.
It was particularly encouraging to see rookie left tackle Andrew Thomas hold up against Browns defensive end Myles Garrett, who entered the game with 10.5 sacks.
The run blocking wasn’t effective, as the Giants were limited to 3.5 yards per carry. Gallman was held to 29 yards on nine carries. He was stopped short on his fourth-down run by an ankle tackle by Joseph, who beat a back-side block attempt by Shepard. Alfred Morris led the Giants with seven carries for 39 yards.
The Giants mostly abandoned their offensive line rotation. Rookie Matt Peart, who has been rotating with starting right tackle Cameron Fleming, didn’t play a snap. Peart had seen action in every game since Week 2 (aside from one he missed while on the COVID-19 reserve list). Will Hernandez rotated in for two series at left guard, while starter Shane Lemieux got five series.
5. If Judge deserves any criticism for his fourth-down management, it’s for apparently losing his nerve in the second half. McCoy hit Engram for eight yards on third-and-12 early in the third quarter. Throwing short of the sticks was excusable since it put the Giants into a manageable fourth-down distance at Cleveland’s 44, but Judge elected to punt on fourth-and-4.
The Giants pinned the Browns at their 5-yard line … and that made no difference. Cleveland went on a drive that ate 8:04 off the clock and ended with a 1-yard touchdown run by Nick Chubb. The same factors that influenced Judge’s aggression early in the game were still present, but he played it safe and paid the price, as the game was out of reach by the time the Giants got the ball back.
6. Dion Lewis had a 48-yard return on the opening kickoff, demonstrating burst that had been lacking recently. He then fumbled on his next return and was fortunate that teammate Levine Toilolo recovered the loose ball.
Lewis has now fumbled kickoffs in consecutive games. That’s unacceptable for any returner, but especially one like Lewis who hasn’t made many big plays. The Giants are overdue to give Dante Pettis a shot at returner. Pettis hasn’t been active for a game since the Giants claimed him on waivers in Week 10.

Not Financial Advice (NFA)
Warning: Wall of Text. If you hate reading just skim through the bolded/italicized
Ever since I publicized my findings on DKNG, the stock has underperformed & probably has fucked a lot of people here, especially given the overly bullish stance back in June. Unless you took my advice & got into Puts then, congrats, welcome to tendie town. For the ADHD retards, here’s what the next wall of text is going to summarize: I believe at the current price of ~$30, the stock is oversold.
A tech-focused, high-growth Company that has made sports betting easy to understand with an aesthetically pleasing interface similar to how Robinhood has neatly laid out stock market gimmicks so even high-schoolers can make sense of it I believe, is underpriced at these levels.
Let’s get into some details as to why the stock has underperformed:
First off, the news slate revolving sports with the rumored delay/cancellation of the MLB season & the NFL watching from the sidelines is in my view, just a part of why the stock has underperformed. We’ll revisit this later in this post, but I want to focus on the drivers of the stock’s recent underperformance, & why these factors are now in the rearview mirror.
Part I – The Past Has Passed – SPAC-related Equity Dilution
History lesson first: DKNG went public via a SPAC merger, which has exploded in popularity recently. Anyone serious about analyzing stocks going forward needs to do their homework on this, Google is your friend.
A feature of most SPAC merger to public listings that creates a headwind to near-term share prices are embedded equity dilution events, usually in the form of earn-outs (stock bonuses to execs, the SPAC sponsor) & conversion of Warrants.
On 5/24, the earn-outs were triggered, adding 6m shares to the share count.
On 6/26, 16.3m warrants converted to DKNG, netting them ~$188m of cash.
Stepping back a little, in addition to the above, on 6/18 DKNG launched a follow-on equity offering of 16M shares @ $40/Share [1], receiving $621M in proceeds.
The last part is tricky to understand from a dilution perspective. To simplify, historically it’s almost a coin toss whether a Company’s shares outperform on the onset of an equity offering. While issuing shares does dilute the existing shareholder base, it theoretically shouldn’t, if the proceeds from the offering are earmarked for investments/projects that yield outsized returns. This is the reality for the long term, theory for the short-term. For the short-term, the ‘reality’ isn’t that the proceeds will be used for investments/projects that yield outsized returns, it is more about how convincing management is to investors that the investments they intend to pursue with the proceeds will outweigh the dilutive effects of issuing incremental shares. That’s a mouthful, but hopefully you get what I’m trying to convey.
All of this stuff put together – the Company has increased its share count by ~39M, but now has a whopping ~$1.4Bn of cash [2]. More on this in the next section.
Part II – MLB News Should Not Fucking Matter & DKNG Is Positioned As the Leading Online/Mobile Sports Platform
DKNG should not be so tied to MLB news or any of this shit as the ongoing success of the NBA/NHL season + Soccer in Europe has effectively created a blueprint on how to regulate player behavior so that they maintain professionalism amidst the pandemic. I’m going out on a whim here, but I truly think the MLB threatening a cancellation of the season is pure posturing to get these fuckers to behave appropriately. Maybe a ‘bubble’ is what it takes to get these players to focus on their jobs instead of going out & contracting COVID, but I argue that isn’t necessarily required given Soccer in Europe. So there’s already a proven path here without the need for a bubble in Soccer, so MLB/NFL should be fine, and execs need to study how they got it done in Europe. Okay, back to some facts.
Anecdotally, I’ve kept in touch with a handful of sports bookies from California to New York & even internationally about what they’re seeing – all of them say that since the NBA season started on 7/30 & since Soccer (especially the Premier League) resumed in June, along with other leagues like La Liga & Serie A, they’ve seen massive increases in betting.
These numbers are also showing up in the official data [3]:

• Average % increase in sports betting handle from April 2020 to June 2020 (handle is the total $ wagered in sports bets) from the states that reported up to June 2020 (NJ, PA, MS, RI, WV, IA, IN, NH) of +258%!
  
  • Note: NV is left out due to the site I sourced showing a weirdly negative number – so I dug into the official filings & show specifically, Sports Mobile betting growth from June since April has growing by at least +73% [4]

REMEMBER: This is for June only! No NBA, No NHL, No MLB, just Soccer, Golf, NASCAR & UFC.
The data clearly shows that there was a ton of pent-up sports betting demand, which leads one Wall St. analyst to think that betting on the NBA/NHL could ABSORB the MLB’s sports betting handle (handle = total $ size of sports bet) [5]. Remember, the MLB season is still ongoing, with games being played. The entire focus is on the Miami Marlins & St. Louis Cardinals. Fucking retards.
Additionally, I want to remind everyone that DraftKings.com is the #1 Fantasy sports website in the U.S. [6]. Also, since April 2020 site visitations are up +86% [7] & Google Search Trends for “Draft Kings” is up ~3x compared to PRE-COVID levels [8]. What does this mean? They are piquing more people’s curiosity than prior to COVID/ongoing slate of sports.
This is important because remember that ~$1.4Bn chest full of cash I mentioned DKNG had assembled earlier? Well, that money is being put to work & results are already coming in, which is exactly what DKNG intended to do with it.
Part III – Legalization of Sports Betting in the U.S.
I could write a fucking bible on this topic alone, but for now we’ll stick to some basics. Due to COVID, it’s easy to understand that each State’s financial situation is clearly in shit. Because of this, you better believe that these guys are going to start taking a hard look at how they can extract additional tax revenues, & what’s one of the easiest ways to do this? Legalization & taxation of gambling.
The big players: CA, TX, FL & NY. First, CA pushing its legislation out to 2023 was fucked up, but here’s a twist I want to add to this: Anything that has to do with gambling in CA you better believe is lobbied against by not just the Tribal casino owners in CA, but by the deep pockets of Las Vegas money. Similar thing can be said for FL, but let’s take a look at some actions by LV/nationwide gambling companies that are starting to align financial incentives with guys like DKNG.

• MGM / GVC Holdings JV in BetMGM - $450m total invested
• PENN invests $163m into BS Sports
• Caesars has a 20% stake in William Hill plus partnership deals with The Stars Group (TSG) & our winner DKNG for operating its sports books

So it’s safe to say going forward, nationwide legalization of sports betting will reap rewards for everyone involved, & no longer be something LV money is completely focused on safeguarding.
Let’s also not forget that DKNG didn’t become the Company they are today because of their fancy app, but because their management team has a HISTORY of navigating the U.S.’s legal framework to get what they want out of it.

• The Crown Jewel – The Internet Gambling Prohibition & Enforcement Act: I said it in a previous post, but I want to emphasize that them getting Fantasy Sports to be labeled a ‘game of skill’ by FEDERAL Law as opposed to gambling is just something for the history books. Fucking genius shit. When this happened I bet every casino from LV to every Indian Tribe that has one was against it, yet DKNG & other DFS providers won.
• There’s more, but more recently: Getting into IL:
  
  • In IL, there’s an 18-month ‘penalty box’ for Companies that offer DFS to offer sports betting. Our guys at DKNG created a workaround to this situation with their partnership with Casino Queen [9]. DKNG being savvy again.

These guys are at the cutting edge of creating legal frameworks to successfully launch their products & now with more of their ‘competitors’ financially aligned with them, combined with financial deterioration of State budgets, we should see an overweighting of good news vs. bad on the legal front.
Final Part – Share Price Targets
Under-fucking priced at anything below $42.50
Near-term catalysts:
8/14: DKNG files 2Q’20 results, might be shitty, but you can bet that the Earnings Call is going to contain rhetoric on how massive the uptick in sports betting has been since late June/July.
Sometime from now until November: NY releases ‘study’ by Spectrum Gaming on online/mobile sports betting.
8/20 – 9/7: PGA Championship for FedEx Cup Title
9/5 – KY Derby
9/10: NFL KickOff Game
9/17: PGA U.S. Open Start Date
Month of October: NBA/NHL Playoffs
10/1: Estimated launch of online sports betting in TN
11/1: Estimated launch of online sports betting in VA
[1] https://draftkings.gcs-web.com/news-releases/news-release-details/draftkings-announces-proposed-public-offering-class-common-stock
[2] Wall St. Research – DKNG on 6/29/20
[3] https://www.legalsportsreport.com/sports-betting/revenue/
[4] https://gaming.nv.gov/modules/showdocument.aspx?documentid=16984; Note: Nevada did not break out April/May figures but from the Revenue difference of 3 month ended June 30 of 4,950 vs. month of June of 2,297 for a total difference of 2,653 spread evenly over April/May for a base case April estimate of 1,327.
[5] Wall St. Research - 7/27/20
[6] https://www.similarweb.com/top-websites/category/sports/fantasy-sports/
[7] https://www.similarweb.com/website/draftkings.com/#overview
[8] https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?geo=US&q=draft%20kings Feb 23-29, 2020 vs. Current Aug 2 – Aug 8, 2020
[9] https://www.legalsportsreport.com/42314/draftkings-illinois-sports-betting-market-access/

1. Liberty Bell

Invented and designed by a San Francisco mechanic named Charles Fey in 1895, the Liberty Bell is the first slot machine. The main symbols here include horseshoes, stars, spades, diamonds, hearts, and Liberty Bells. Once three bells are aligned, the machine pays 50 cents.
Having a coin slot at the top, it features small reels in the middle and a paytable at the bottom. It works like this - players insert a Nickel and pull a lever on the right-hand side to spin the reels. Although the Operator Bell and Liberty Bell have been removed from casinos, the original Liberty Bell on display can be seen in the Liberty Belle saloon in Reno, Nevada.

2. Lion's Share

One of the most famous slot machines, Microgaming’s classic slot Lion's Share, gained a lot of success back in 2014, due to news channels that discussed the topic on how Lion's Share's progressive jackpot hasn’t been hit for two decades. Thousands of people have tried but no one was lucky enough to pull it off.
Although the machine only featured 3 reels and only 1 payline, Lion’s Share has managed to become one of the most popular releases in Vegas, so popular that people waited in line just to put a coin into it and try spinning those reels.
Eventually, a New Hampshire couple hit the $2.4 million progressive jackpot in MGM’s Grand’s Lion’s Share. Soon after, MGM Grand made a decision to retire the Lion's Share machine since it required a lot of maintenance. Still, the game became part of slot history with a jackpot that took 20 years to win.

3. Megabucks

Created by IGT, Megabucks has managed to become one of the world's best progressive slot machines. The game is also responsible for numerous big wins throughout the entire jackpots’ history. Also known as the biggest money jackpots of all time, Megabucks slot machines are described as simple games with a massive progressive jackpot. One of the biggest wins was when an anonymous engineer won a staggering $39.7 million at Las Vegas' Excalibur, back in 2003.
As for the other big wins hit on this machine, there was a cocktail waitress Cynthia Jay Brennan who snagged an incredible $34.9 million at Vegas' Desert Inn, as well as a retired flight attendant hitting $27.5 million at Vegas' Palace Statio­n. J­ohanna Huendl won $22.6 million whereas an Illinois businessman hit $21.3 million on the very first spin.
However, after winning the prize, one of the winner's family members had a tragic accident, which (as some believe) only supported the theory of a Megabucks curse. Other unfortunate stories are just believed to be urban legends, including anecdotes about underage players, as well as casino employees, being big winners but not being able to claim their jackpots because of specific state laws and regulation.

4. Wheel of Fortune

IGT’s Wheel of Fortune has proven to be the second most famous slot machine of all time. Featuring a bonus feature just like the real show, the slot machine is usually played by many slot fans and can be found in numerous casinos all over the globe. Although the game comes in more variations, probably the most popular one is still its 3-reel version, with a colourful wheel at the top.
The Wheel of Fortune multiplayer game features a bank of machines where every player gets their own screen. What makes the game even more exciting is the multiplayer edition where people can play the bonus round together, which really intensifies the game show aspect.
In a 5-reel Wheel of Fortune slot, however, Wild symbols will help players land winning combos and, if you’re lucky enough, you may get a Super Wild that will boost your win up to 5x! Last but not least, the Triple Action Bonus is activated by getting at least 3 Triple Action Bonus symbols anywhere on the reels. But still, none of the newer Wheel of Fortune slots measure up to the original one because of the large progressive jackpot involved.
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5. Mega Fortune

Featuring 5 reels and 25 paylines, NetEnt’s Mega Fortune slot became very popular among players as it usually grows into a multimillion-euro amount before being hit. The main symbols here include luxury cars, yachts, and expensive jewellery, Mega Fortune is an online slot machine game which justifies its theme that comes with the largest ever online slot jackpots.
The game offers a few different features that make the entire gameplay more fascinating, however, by far the most interesting ones are the 3 different progressive jackpots: Mega Jackpot, Major Jackpot and Rapid Jackpot. There are counters for all 3 of these that are displayed above the reels. Champagne is the Scatter and if you land at least 3 of them simultaneously, you will trigger Free Spins bonus round. Likewise, Wheel of Luck is the Bonus symbol, and if you land 3 or more symbols in succession from left to right on an active payline, you will activate the Bonus game.
What’s interesting about this slot is the fact that a Finnish man won a huge jackpot worth €17.8 million while spinning the reels of Mega Fortune. This record from 2013, has been passed by Mega Moolah, but the game is still proof how rich players can get after playing Mega Fortune.
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6. Mega Moolah

Powered by Microgaming and being among most popular slot games, Mega Moolah is a 25-payline progressive slot which has served as a competitor to Mega Fortune's big jackpots. Followed by African safari music, the game features antelopes, elephants, giraffes, lions, monkeys and zebras as the main symbols.
Landing at least 3 Scatters at the same time will trigger 15 Free Spins. What’s more, all wins hit during Free Spins are tripled, whereas Free Spins can also be retriggered. Players can win one of the 4 Progressive Jackpots within the randomly triggered Bonus round.
The game paid some of the largest slot machine jackpots that have ever been triggered. In 2015,for example, Mega Moolah gained international recognition when a British soldier Jon Heywood won a massive €17,879,645.
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7. Cleopatra

Inspired by the famous Egyptian theme and Developed by IGT, Cleopatra is a 20-payline classic game that managed to stand out above similar releases. Featuring ancient Egyptian music, the main symbols here include Cleopatra, the Eye of Horus, scarabs, and pyramids. Landing at least 3 Sphinx symbols will trigger the Cleopatra Bonus, which awards 15 Free Spins. All prizes, except for the 5 Cleopatra symbols, are tripled in the Free Spins round.
The game has been so successful that it inspired its creators to make a sequel, Cleopatra II, with richer graphics and engaging sound effects. But even if you choose the original game, you'll be playing a classic that's still enjoyed by various players today. And, in case you land 5 Cleopatra symbols you’ll get a jackpot of 10,000 coins.

8. Book of Ra

Having a popular Ancient-Egypt theme, Book of Ra has always been one of the best choices to play in land based and online casinos. Powered by Novomatic, Book of Ra is a 9 payline video slot that offers plenty of bonus features and big payouts. With entertaining narrative and energising gameplay, there are numerous ways to win here.
In case you land 5 archaeologists simultaneously, you’ll get an impressive 5,000x your line bet. Earning big bucks, however, comes from the Free Spins feature. What players need to do is land at least 3 Scatter books to trigger the Free Spins feature. Pages of the book will flip and randomly determine which symbol will expand during the 10 Free Spins.
Although hitting the jackpot may not be easy, with only a few one in between, when big wins come, they can be big.

9. Starburst

There’s no denying NetEnt’s Starburst slot became kinda legendary in the iGaming universe. With its dark background and shiny space looking gemstones, Starburst slot features 5 reels and 10 paylines. The well-known futuristic music in this release is also easily noticeable, as is the game’s expanding Wild.
More precisely, the Wilds may only occur on the reels 2, 3 and 4, and, once 1 or more wilds appear on those reels, the Starburst Wild feature will be activated. During this feature, Starburst wilds expand to cover the entire reel and remain while the other reels re-spin. Should a new wild land during a re-spin, it expands and stays along with any previously expanded Starbursts for another re-spin.
Another cool feature is that Starburst pays both ways, instead of only paying you for landing at least 3 identical symbols on adjacent reels starting with the reel furthest to the left. The maximum single spin payout for a person (betting the $200 maximum) is $100,000. But, in order for that to happen, you must land five bars on consecutive reels on an active payline. Players love this slot, probably because it’s suitable for both newbies and experienced players.

10. Immortal Romance

Powered by Microgaming, Immortal Romance is based on sci-fi and the cult of Vampires which has become one of the popular casino slot machines in the last couple of years. Apart from superb graphics and great audio and visual effects, the slot features 5 reels and 243 paylines, and the theoretical RTP rate of 96.86%. The four main characters are Amber, Troy, Michael and Sarah.
When it comes to features and bonus games, Immortal Romance offers different variants. Wild Desire feature can occur randomly, and as soon as it does, it can turn 1 to 5 reels completely Wild. Likewise, landing 3 or more Scatters anywhere on the reels in this game, activates the Chamber of Spins feature which cannot be triggered during Wild Desire.
The game is still among the most popular slots, as many players still try their luck in this slot in the hope to get the highest multiplier possible.

11. Gonzo’s Quest

Beautifully designed video slot powered by NetEnt, Gonzo Quest features 5 reels and 20 paylines. The story is based on the famous conquistador Gonzalo Pizzaro who is on his way to the Peruvian ruins and just about to experience the unique quest.
Now, Gonzo’s Quest has become one of the most popular slot games of all time, probably because it comes with a few interesting features, Avalanche Multipliers feature being the most interesting one of all. In Essence, the reels in the slot move in a cascading manner which resemble an Avalanche. As you activate each new Avalanche, you will win a multiplier. Multipliers are displayed above the reels, and go up to 5x, that is if you land 4 or more avalanches simultaneously.

12. Age of the Gods

Being among famous slot machines and inspired by Ancient Greek mythology, Age of the Gods is a 5-reel, 20-payline progressive slot powered by Playtech. The main characters are Athena, Zeus, Hercules, and Poseidon power up 4 free game modes that offer extra wilds and win multipliers! Once you start spinning, you’ll come across a series of bonus features, such as Athena Free Games, Zeus Free Games, Poseidon Free Games and Hercules Free Games.
Wild logo is the game’s wild card and it substitutes for all symbols, with the exception of the Scatter. Landing at least 3 Scatters anywhere on the reels simultaneously triggers the Bonus game. Moreover, landing 5 God symbols in any order on an active payline will get you 200x your line bet!
During the main game, any spin can activate the Age of the Gods Mystery Jackpot. This mini game guarantees a win of up to 4 progressive jackpots. All you gotta do is click on the coins to reveal jackpot symbols, and if you match 3 identical ones, you will win that jackpot.

13. Money Honey

Having a cute theme, Money Honey is a 5-reel and a 243 payline slot themed around honey. With Wilds, Free Spins, Scatters and multipliers, it is a fast-paced exciting creation featuring vibrant colours. Likewise, it is a mobile-optimized slot which may be an excellent choice if you’re new to online gambling or if you’ve been playing for years.
Just like in other games, Wilds will help you win payouts as they are able to replicate most other symbols on the reels once a winning combination has been made. Another symbol you may want to keep your eyes on is a Money Wheel card. Once you manage to land at least 3 of them on your reels after a spin, the bonus game begins, and you spin a big wheel to choose a prize.

14. Quick Hit

And our selection wouldn’t be complete without Bally's Quick Hit slot. Featuring traditional Las Vegas symbols with sharp graphics and relaxed music, the video slot has 5 reels, 3 rows, and 30 paylines. Once you decide how many paylines you want to bet on, your gaming adventure can begin. There are Scatters symbols and three bonus games to benefit from.
The biggest payout here comes from landing the triple seven symbol. Should you land 5 of these lucky numbers on the reels at the same time, you will win 5,000 coins, whereas if you land five wild symbols, you’ll get 12,500 coins.
Those looking for hitting a jackpot should pay attention to Quick Hit Platinum symbols as 5 of these contribute to 5,000x players’ original bet amount – and even more, with the max bet activated. The second-highest jackpot can be hit by landing 9 Quick Hit Slot symbols. Both the Quick Hit Platinum and regular Quick Hit symbols must occur on or within one position of the first payline to be eligible for a jackpot win.

15. SlotZilla Zip Line

And now something completely different. We’re finishing our selection of famous slots in style, with the world’s largest slot machine - StotZilla Zip Line - 128 feet tall which has two take-off levels. This $12 million SlotZilla zip line took more than a year to build and opened its doors in 2014 and has already had more than 2 million riders so far.
The 11-story slot machine is decorated with over-sized dice, a glass of martini, a pink flamingo, video reels, coins, and two showgirls - Jennifer and Porsha. SlotZilla offers two different rider experiences - the upper Zoomline and a lower Zipline. This unique machine has a huge video screen with reels and a gigantic arm, replicating a true slot machine experience.

I haven't really done too much this NFL draft season, but figured I'd throw my hat in and see what people thought. I always enjoy filling in during the Community Mocks, but I have never been the type to do a full mock draft. With a bit of extra time on my hands currently, I figured why the heck not. Without further ado, here's my first 2020 NFL Mock Draft.
ROUND 1
1. Cincinnati Bengals - QB Joe Burrow, LSU
Starting off with what is a perceived gimme. He's got terrific confidence and a pretty solid skillset. While his arm isn't the greatest, it's good enough to not be a problem and he should be a franchise QB going forward.
2. Washington Redskins - EDGE Chase Young, Ohio State
While they might have more pressing needs, Washington goes BPA and locks up a strength for them. This defensive line under Ron Rivera and Jack Del Rio has the potential to be absolutely frightening for the next decade.
3. Detroit Lions - CB Jeffrey Okudah, Ohio State
Okudah is just an incredible prospect. I think Detroit would love to have a shutdown corner for the next decade. Trufant took a slight step backwards already and should be able to help season Okudah for a season before falling back into the #2 corner role as Okudah takes off shifting a position of weakness into a position of potential strength.
4. New York Giants - LB Isaiah Simmons, Clemson
While offensive line does need help, that position has more depth than LB and New York decides to go with a potentially game-changing talent. Gettleman loved Shaq Thompson in Carolina, I can imagine he's practically orgasmic to get Isaiah Simmons onto his team.
5. Miami Dolphins - QB Tua Tagovailoa, Alabama
I do think this is probably a team that might have to trade up, but in this mock I'm not simulating any trades. Miami ultimately gets the guy the wanted all along. Tua is an absolute stud with great mental makeup and a terrific skillset. If his health permits, I see a Drew Brees-esq, top-of-the-league potential.
6. Los Angeles Chargers - QB Justin Herbert, Oregon
While they "lose out" on the top 2 quarterbacks, I think Justin Herbert is an excellent consolation prize. Tall, big quarterback with good mobility and he seems very bright. Could be a quick learner and behind a good offensive line could flourish pretty quickly in the NFL.
7. Carolina Panthers - DL Derrick Brown, Auburn
A player who can fit almost any scheme, Derrick Brown is one of the more complete players in the draft. With Carolina being in rebuild mode, this could be a defensive tone setter and defensive cornerstone in a post-Luke Kuechly world.
8. Arizona Cardinals - OT Tristan Wirfs, Iowa
Arizona has got to make sure Kyler Murray is protected and holes are opened up for Kenyan Drake. I'm a big fan of Iowa offensive linemen and this one is just terrific. He'll be a hole opener immediately in the run game and I think his pass protection isn't too far off. Guys this big and this athletic are guys you can build that line around for many years to come.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars - CB C.J. Henderson, Florida
Jacksonville needs a replacement for Jalen Ramsey and I really, really love when Henderson brings to the table. Just a terrific shutdown corner who is rangey and has good ball skills. While he does have obvious work to do on his technique, I think his tackling issues are a bit overblown. Seemed to take some "business decisions" last year that was on display for the world to see which isn't a good look, but I understand why someone would do it. However, prior to last year he at least seemed to be interested in being involved in the more physical portion of football so I don't think all hope is lost there.
10. Cleveland Browns - OT Mekhi Becton, Louisville
While there might be safer linemen out there, I think Cleveland swings for the fences on the guy who might have the highest upside out of all of them. Just a gargantuan man who will probably never be out-lengthed or out-bulked by an opponent. Shows surprising agility and while there is work to do with his technique, you just can't teach the athletic ability he has. I see him as a "Bryant McKinnie if he cared about his career" type of player if he puts it all together. Just a bookend offensive tackle you can set for a decade or so until his sheer size begins to wear down his legs.
11. New York Jets - WR CeeDee Lamb, Oklahoma
I had a hard time separating the top 3 receivers, I think they are all gonna be terrific. Lamb gets the nod for me because of how insanely good his hands are. He catches everything even with defenders draped over him. I have seen comparisons to DeAndre Hopkins and I think that is a great one for him although he is a bit lankier than Nuk. I think Sam Darnold will love this guy.
12. Las Vegas Raiders - WR Henry Ruggs III, Alabama
Just pure electricity. Las Vegas passes on the potentially safer receiver to get someone who completely opens up the offense for Las Vegas. An underrated route runner, but his explosiveness and his ability to break tackles and his RAC ability is what is truly elite. He's a touchdown waiting to happen every time he touches the ball.
13. San Francisco 49ers - WR Jerry Jeudy, Alabama
Goodness, the guy who has the best ability to gain separation from his cuts and breaks goes to the offensive guru who excels at getting his guys open through schemes. GG rest of the NFL. I do think Jeudy is probably the safest pick of the receivers and I think if these situations played out like this, he would probably have the best career of the 3.
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - OT Jedrick Wills, Alabama
The fall of some of the OTs benefits a few teams in the middle of the draft. Tampa Bay wants to improve the protection for Tom Brady and/or whoever their QB of the future is. Jedrick Wills is an intelligent player with a nasty streak who has everything it takes to be elite. Really the only reason for his fall is that there are concerns about being unsure if he translates to LT, but I don't see that being a problem for him.
15 - Denver Broncos - OT Andrew Thomas, Georgia
While he has the lowest ceiling of the elite OT prospects, he also has the safest floor. I do believe that Denver will happily take the steady, talented Andrew Thomas to be their LT of the next decade.
16. Atlanta Falcons - EDGE K'Lavon Chaisson, LSU
I believe it is between EDGE and CB and I think there is more depth at the CB position and also I'm not quite as high on the remaining CBs as I am Chaisson. Chaisson has rare explosiveness and first-step. He does need to work on developing other pass rush moves to help fill out his repertoire but I think he's going to be completely disruptive as a NFL player and a guy who will absolutely command extra attention from offensive coordinators everywhere.
17. Dallas Cowboys - S Xavier McKinney, Alabama
I considered CB but as you saw in my previous pick write-up, I'm not quite as high on the remaining CBs and there is more depth at the position so I will pass on that while still helping Dallas's secondary. Possessing an elite football IQ, McKinney is the type of player who makes an entire defense better. He's a do-it-all type of defender who will make terrific play after terrific play.
18 - Miami Dolphins - S Grant Delpit, LSU
I really liked McKinney to Miami a lot more, but this is not a bad consolation prize in the slightest. Delpit is a huge and dynamic defender who will absolutely be a difference-maker in Miami's secondary. His tackling has improved over time, but he will need to do even more work to get it up to the point where it isn't considered a weakness in his game.
19. Las Vegas Raiders - DL Javon Kinlaw, South Carolina
Kinlaw's slide allowed Las Vegas to acquire an absolute steal. He will be an absolute force to be reckoned with and gives Las Vegas a bunch of pressure up the middle. While this isn't necessarily their largest need, I am sure Gruden would love to acquire a talent like this at 19.
20. Jacksonville Jaguars - WR Justin Jefferson, LSU
An elite route runner who uses technique to get himself open. While his speed isn't elite, he's fast enough to get by. I don't think he'll be draped all over all of the time which means he should turn into a very nice pro.
21. Philadelphia Eagles - CB Jeff Gladney, TCU
After acquiring Darius Slay, Philly goes ahead and doubles down to make the position a strength. Gladney is a scrappy, hard-nosed tone-setter who will be an excellent guy to bring into a defense. I love Gladney's potential, he should be a great corner for many years.
22. Minnesota Vikings - CB Kristian Fulton, LSU
Fulton was a bit of a late-bloomer and has some technique work to do, but I think Zimmer would love to have a guy with Fulton's ability in his secondary. He has a pretty good frame and has the tenacity required to become a truly elite man corner.
23. New England Patriots - QB Jordan Love, Utah State
I feel like this will be a pet project for Josh McDaniels so that he has "his QB" already when he takes over the team. Jordan Love has all of the physical tools needed to be a great QB, he just needs to be coached up and allowed to become more comfortable within the system.
24. New Orleans Saints - WR Denzel Mims, Baylor
So many athletic gifts and an incredible catch radius. I think Sean Payton would have fun with this one. Could get early playing time, even with Thomas and Sanders there because he is such a willing and capable blocker in the run game. I think the sky is the limit for this guy, lower floor than the receivers that went above him. But potentially a higher ceiling as well.
25. Minnesota Vikings - EDGE Zack Baun, Wisconsin
This is another guy that I think Zimmer would love to scheme for, putting him in various positions to succeed and cause massive disruption especially from a pass rush perspective. Zimmer could probably get a lot more out of him than other teams with less creative defensive minds could.
26. Miami Dolphins - OT Josh Jones, Houston
Operation Protect Tua is under way. Ideally, Tua doesn't have to play at all next year allowing him ample time to recover and learn the playbook and get comfortable in practice. That allows for a year of training for Josh Jones, who has the potential to be a truly great Offensive Tackle but needs to be coached up quite a bit to reach that potential.
27. Seattle Seahawks - EDGE Yetur Gross-Matos, Penn State
Such a big, strong, agile, quick defender. I think he'd make an excellent addition to the Seahawks defensive line, giving them an excellent pass rusher and run defender. He should be a guy who can be developed fairly quickly and become a very disruptive presence in the NFL.
28. Baltimore Ravens - LB Kenneth Murray, Oklahoma
Supremely fast and lengthy, Murray is someone who could really thrive in Baltimore's system. Could be a real tone-setting thumper that can add an extra bit of nastiness to their defense. Has tremendous sideline-to-sideline potential and can really fire off and make some plays in the backfield.
29. Tennessee Titans - EDGE A.J. Epenesa, Iowa
Always seen as a "total Patriots type of player" and I think Mike Vrabel would be quite alright with that. Lengthy and heavy handed, he wins battles with power and intelligence rather than speed and agility. It's not the prettiest in shorts and a t-shirt, but watch the film and its obvious what this guy is about.
30. Green Bay Packers - DL Neville Gallimore, Oklahoma
Gallimore is putting things together at the right time and appears to have turned into a well put together defender with fantastic effort and aggression. Much more of a pass rusher than a run stopper, Gallimore has incredible explosiveness and range. Can become a truly disruptive player in the NFL under the right guidance.
31. San Francisco 49ers - CB Noah Igbinoghene, Auburn
Just world's of untapped potential. After coming to college as a wide receiver, moved over to become a cornerback. Still learning and growing within the position but has great physical traits with deceptive strength and top-notch agility. He's a bit more of a project than most in the first round, but I do believe he has the potential the become one of the best cornerbacks in this draft.
32. Kansas City Chiefs - RB D'Andre Swift, Georgia
Kansas City shores up one of their weaker positions on offense with a three-down stud. A tremendous inside-outside runner who also has terrific pass catching abilities, giving the Chiefs yet another option to keep defenses honest and guessing.
ROUND 2
33. Cincinnati Bengals - LB Patrick Queen, LSU
Queen drops due to circumstances and Cincinnati gets to benefit. The Bengals add a terrific talent to their poor linebacker corp. He isn't very big and doesn't pack much of a punch, but he covers extremely well and is known for his high football IQ, he could be a leader for this defense.
34. Indianapolis Colts - WR Jalen Reagor, TCU
Indy adds more explosion and a potential future replacement for T.Y. Hilton. Reagor is quite explosive, with the ability to score on any play. He needs to work on keeping his concentration when making catches and perhaps needs some focus on his hands in general but he should be an extremely exciting vertical player for Indy for many years to come.
35. Detroit Lions - DL Ross Blacklock, TCU
While his processing skills need to be sped up a bit to succeed in the NFL, Blacklock has all of the makings of a true disruptive force on the interior. I think Patricia would have a lot of fun with this selection.
36. New York Giants - OT Ezra Cleveland, Boise State
A potential LT for the Giants. He has to get stronger and nastier at the point of attack, but his agility and feet showcase a guy who could be a bookend for many years to come.
37. Los Angeles Chargers - OL Cesar Ruiz, Michigan
Offers versatility at both Guard and Center, although I think Center will ultimately be where his money is earned. Ruiz is a big, strong boy who can move pretty well for his size. He needs to work on his timing in pass protection a bit, but that is certainly coachable. He's gonna have some great pancakes on the field and should have a very good, productive career.
38. Carolina Panthers - CB Trevon Diggs, Alabama
Just a huge cornerback with surprisingly good instincts given how little he has played the position in his life. I think the sky is the limit for this kid, he's so good already and is just beginning to uncover all of the intricacies of the position. Carolina will have some terrific defensive pieces in place with Brown on the DL and now Diggs in the secondary.
39. Miami Dolphins - RB J.K. Dobbins, Ohio State
Might take a little bit to crack into the lineup due to his pass protection issues, but is just simply an incredible running back who will take more and more of the job away from Jordan Howard and once he gets it, he isn't giving it up. Dobbins is arguable the best running back in the draft and Miami has to be excited to land him in the 2nd round.
40. Houston Texans - DL Marlon Davidson, Auburn
Should be able to become a pretty elite power rusher in the NFL and it would be interesting to see him and JJ Watt alternating between inside/outside rushes on the defensive line.
41. Cleveland Browns - DB Antonine Winfield Jr, Minnesota
He's got the NFL bloodline and it shows in his play. He effortlessly showcases great instincts and is rarely caught out of position. He might not have elite athleticism but he is still a very damn good athlete which when combined with his instincts will lead to great results and a long-lasting NFL career.
42. Jacksonville Jaguars - DB Jeremy Chinn, Southern Illinois
A large freak of nature in the secondary who has plus athleticism and loves to lay the boom. Could be a tone-setter if he takes the next step in his game. Has some issues in coverage that will need to be ironed out and will take some time to adjust to NFL's speed but he could be something special if given the time to develop.
43. Chicago Bears - CB A.J. Terrell, Clemson
Terrell is a long, rangey cornerback who excels in man coverage. Should be able to stick with most receivers and make some plays. He has to clean up his tackling technique and needs to be a bit more mindful of his hand usage as he might get penalized more in the NFL.
44. Indianapolis Colts - DL Justin Madubuike, Texas A&M
An excellent addition to the defense, he excelled in multiple spots in college giving Indy some added versatility on the defensive line. He has ideal explosiveness and should be a disruptive presence, blowing up backfields for many years.
45. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - RB Jonathan Taylor, Wisconsin
He's already gotten a lot of wear and tear on his body from college, but he should fill a role on this team very easily and I think being the power part of a rotation would prove to be a very effective use of him. He's vastly superior to Peyton Barber in every possible way and he'd essentially be inheriting that role in the offense.
46. Denver Broncos - WR Laviska Shenault Jr, Colorado
A swiss army knife who can do pretty much anything, it'll be fun seeing the many ways he can be implemented into an offense. Shenault and Sutton should be a great 1-2 punch for Drew Lock for many, many years.
47 - Atlanta Falcons - RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire, LSU
While I don't think Gurley is done as a feature running back, I do believe he will best be utilized with a cap of 15-20 touches per game. That leaves a solid 10-15 touches out there for Edwards-Helaire to come in and take over. He's got everything except for top-end speed, but he should be an excellent change-of-pace to Todd Gurley and eventually take over the lead back role in two years or so.
48. New York Jets - OT Austin Jackson, USC
The Jets passed on getting protection for Sam Darnold to add a weapon for Sam Darnold. Round 2 allows them to come back and get what they left on the table in Round 1. He's a bit more of a project which is why he is in the Round 2, he will need to be coached up on his technique a decent bit. But he has all of the physical tools to become a bookend tackle in the future.
49. Pittsburgh Steelers - DL Raekwon Davis, Alabama
He never quite took the next step in college after having an incredible Sophomore season. He is stout in run defense and has shown capable of being a brutal pass rusher. He does need to be taught to utilize his pass rush skill set more often rather than relying on pure athleticism to get by. If it clicks for him, Pittsburgh will have an absolute steal.
50. Chicago Bears - OT Lucas Niang, TCU
Just a big ol' dancing bear, Niang is extremely athletic for a guy his size. A project OT, but one that has all of the physical tools to become a quality LT in the NFL. He needs some work in his footwork, particularly in his pass protection, but those are teachable skills making for a promising future for Niang.
51 - Dallas Cowboys - EDGE Terrell Lewis, Alabama
A high-risk, high-reward player due to his injury history. I believe Jerruh would be willing to take the gamble on someone who could become a prolific pass rusher if his body will allow him enough play time to progress.
52. Los Angeles Rams - CB Jaylon Johnson, Utah
An extremely confident, extremely athletic cornerback who has obvious shutdown potential in the NFL. He's not the largest or strongest which can allow him to occasionally be pushed around, but he does a tremendous job of keeping himself right in the hip pocket of receivers and has an obvious playmaker mentality when going for a ball. Could be an absolute steal when we look back on the draft.
53. Philadelphia Eagles - WR Tee Higgins, Clemson
Philly would love to secure the falling Higgins in this draft. Truly elite in terms of his ability to go up and get the ball even with defenders on him. He does tend to play a bit softer than you would expect a 6'4" 215 lbs man to play, but his size is still hard to beat.
54. Buffalo Bills - WR K.J. Hamler, Penn State
I think Hamler will ultimately be Cole Beasley's replacement in the Buffalo offense, able to provide what Cole does but with much more explosiveness and big play ability. Such an electric weapon for the offense, it'd be interesting to see how creative an offensive coordinator can be with him.
55 - Baltimore Ravens - WR Donovan Peoples-Jones, Michigan
A large compliment to the explosive Hollywood Brown, DPJ is someone who clearly has the ability to be a much better pro than college player. Michigan's QB play was embarrassing almost the entire time he was in school, which put a significant cap on his numbers. He has shown the ability to catch literally anything thanks to the garbage that was tossed his way in college though which will make a good QB like Lamar Jackson very pleased.
56. Miami Dolphins - OL Lloyd Cushenberry III, LSU
More protection for Tua and what a lineman he is! Tremendous leadership and intangibles, he'll be a great guy to have in a locker room. Great run blocker and solid as a pass protector as well, although he could continue working on his footwork to get even better at it. Great pop in his hands, can definitely stop a defensive lineman in his tracks with jarring blows.
57. Houston Texans - OL Jonah Jackson, Ohio State
Didn't get the best coaching while at Rutgers, but he earned his stripes at Ohio State. There is still plenty of potential for growth in his game due to how late he took the huge jump in coaching. Might be frustrating at first, but I think Houston could uncover a real gem here.
58. Minnesota Vikings - DL Davon Hamilton, Ohio State
Just a massive man. Extremely strong and holds up super well against the run. Really hard to get moved out of the way. He still has work to do as a pass rusher but I also think there is potential there as well. His run defense will get him on the field immediately and it's really up to him to see if he develops the pass rush ability to take the next step.
59. Seattle Seahawks - OL Matt Hennessy, Temple
An absolute technician, Hennessy is practically a coach out on the field. This seems like an anti-Seattle pick in terms of how they approach the offensive line, but things haven't worked out too great overall so why not switch it up a bit? While not the most physically imposing, I believe Hennessy's football intelligence could prove extremely helpful in gelling the entire offensive line together to function as a better unit.
60. Baltimore Ravens - RB Cam Akers, Florida State
Baltimore keeps an eye towards their future by drafting the Mark Ingram replacement. Cam Akers is an absolute stud who was in a truly awful situation at Florida State. He wasn't able to showcase what he can do that much over the past few seasons, I think a year stashed away while learning the ins-and-outs of the position and being in the NFL would prove quite beneficial for Akers. And in a year, the Ravens would reap the reward with a guy who I think could be the best running back in the whole draft.
61. Tennessee Titans - CB Damon Arnette, Ohio State
Things seemed to finally click with Arnette at Ohio State his senior year and I think it could be the start of something really special for him. I think Mike Vrabel would love to help him take the next step in honing his aggressiveness and natural cover abilities.
62. Green Bay Packers - WR Brandon Aiyuk, Arizona State
Super competitive and willing to do anything asked of him, would be a great fit in the Green Bay culture. He also allows for more creativity within the offense and as he gets more comfortable at receiver, should prove to be an excellent compliment to Davante Adams.
63. Kansas City Chiefs - CB Cameron Dantzler, Mississippi State
Solid athlete and quite tall and lengthy. Has to learn how to use his size to his advantage more and perhaps needs to concentrate more time to the weight room to help become more imposing. Dantzler does have the ability to do anything a cornerback needs to do however and I think he's got great potential to become a top corner in the NFL.
64. Seattle Seahawks - WR Michael Pittman Jr, USC
An absolute alpha who plays with a swagger than offenses need. Might not be an elite athlete but he is tall, large, and lengthy and goes up and wins against all defenders. Should prove to be a terrific possession receiver in the NFL.

Hi guys, long time no see. I'm back again with yet another Legacy of Failure.
And this new LoF is heavily inspired by Tree's new LoF for the Maple Leafs. May not be as dramatic by I'll do my best.
And I'm also doing this LoF post because of the dire situation College Sports is in right now. But I'll explain more of that at the end of this rant.
Now, let us begin, with the One Billionth roasting of my favorite College team, the Michigan Wolverines, but in basketball edition.
April 3, 1989 - "Michigan is only 3 seconds away from claiming it's first ever national championship and becoming the first team to win both the Rose Bowl and the NCAA in one year. P.J. Carlesimo can not change, he is out of timeouts...they're gonna have to get the ball over Mills who will try to Harris, the big man on the throw-in...starts when touched, long pass, Walker, Green battle, fires up, it's over! Michigan has won the National Championship!
Well done, Michigan, after your first two attempts failed you have finally climbed to the top of the College Basketball world! Feels good, eh? The basketball National Championship is finally in your hands. With some of your top stars like Glen Rice moving away to the NBA draft, great challenges are sure to rise, but you've still got plenty of time to cement yourself among the Blue Bloods of College Basketball. The Future looks bright for you...
1989 offseason - After leading your team to a National Championship as an interim coach after we told that underachieving fuck Bill Frieder to fuck off, Steve Fisher is now officially your new head coach. Things are looking promising indeed...
1990 - Yes they are as Coach Fisher leads the Wolverines to another strong season at 23-8 and the #3 seed in the West Regional bracket! Unfortunately they are they pounded in the second round by 11th seeded....LOYOLA MARYMOUNT?! AND THEY DROPPED 149 POINTS ON YOU?!! Jesus Christ what a complete slaughter...this has got to be the worst title defense effort I have ever seen in my life!!
Please don't let this be a sign of bad things to come...
1991 - Turns out that Loyola Marymount whooped Michigan's ass so hard that they completely fell to shit and missed the Big Dance. Guess 1989 was a fluke after all...things need to change and fast...
1991 offseason - The Wolverines end up making the offseason splash to end all splashes. They end up recruiting what is arguably the most promising Freshman squad in College Basketball history. With their totally gangsta "Boys 'n the Hood" persona, baggy shorts and Ice-T like personalities, All-American High School basketball star Chris Webber, Juwan Howard, Jalen Rose, along with Texas-sized high school basketball stars in Jimmy King and Ray Jackson, they form a new College Basketball superteam simply known as - the "Fab Five." The rest of the College Basketball world better get ready to protect their balls from being kicked in, because the Wolverine basketball Empire is about to begin...MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
1992 - Though not perfect, the Fab Five do not disappoint and finish with a solid 25-9 record and the #6 seed in the Southeast Region.
1992 NCAA Tournament - The Fab Five manage to win Tournament games against Temple and East Tennessee State in the first and second rounds respectively. After narrowly defeating Oklahoma State in the Sweet 16, they make it to an Elite Eight showdown with their biggest rival - those Buckeye fucks from Ohio State. Bring down the hammer.
1992 NCAA Tournament, Elite Eight - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! How do you like dem apples, Suckeyes?!! The Wolverines pull off the upset in OT and make it to their 5th Final Four! Go take your sorry asses back to Columbus, Suckeyes, it's time for the Wolverines to form...the Empire...
1992 Final Four - The Cinderella run for the Fab Five continues as Michigan edges past 4th seeded Cincinnati in the National Semifinal, and on their way to the National Championship game against those fuckers from Duke. Christian Laettner, Grant Hill and Coach K won't know what kind of freight train is gonna hit them! Move over, Blue Devils, here come the Wolverines!!
1992 National Championship Game - Here come the Wolverines as they blow their halftime lead and do absolutely nothing in the 2nd half as Duke goes on to repeat as National Champions and form their own Empire instead. Like seriously, you couldn't even try to make it close? Fuck off with your choking.
Oh well, still a successful season though. Next year you'll get over the hump!
1993 - What did I tell you? The Fab Five make the rest of the Big Ten into their bitch and finish the season with Michigan's best record yet at 26-4 and the #1 seed in the West regional! Onto your glorious future!
1993 NCAA Tournament, Second Round - Ugh, you're already blowing it in the second round against UCLA?! Just get it over with already so I can hit the Molson bottles...wait...Michigan...didn't choke?!
1993 NCAA Tournament, Elite Eight - After defeating Temple you finally make it back to the Final Four, and you have a tough challenge coming up against those Wildcats from Kentucky in New Orleans. I'm not too sure about this...
1993 Final Four - Did you just pull off a shocker against Kentucky in OT without making a single 3-point shot?! Well, I may have faith in you once more! You once again make it back to the National Championship...and you're facing that OTHER ACC powerhouse in North Carolina. You're even ranked higher than they are and have a good shot at winning! Don't blow this again...
1993 National Championship Game - Okay, you're down by 2 with only 19 seconds remaining. Try and at least send this into OT for now...
"Michigan...will have to bring it in-OH HE WALKED!! HE WALKED IT AND A REFEREE MISSED IT!! Webber brings it into the front court, they have no timeouts remaining-OH HE CALLED TOO MANY TIMEOUTS, it's a technical foul! He called a timeout, Michigan didn't have any! He got by with a walk, he calls a timeout, he doesn't realize that's Michigan's 'too many', and so it will be a technical foul, North Carolina shooting, and the ball."
Are you fucking kidding me? Instead of going into a corner you could have attempted a 3 point shot or passed to another open player. For fucks sake, the refs and the Tar Heels were literally HANDING you the game on a silver platter and you blew it yet again. You are utterly pathetic. Complete and utter garbage. I hope you don't make it this far in the tournament again for another 20 years.
May 1993 haunt you for eternity!!
What a truly...pathetic display. YOU BLEW IT!!!
1994 - After that impressive chokejob, the Fab Five devolve into the Fab Four as Chris Webber fucked off to the NBA Draft. Nonetheless, the remaining 4 Fab Five players lead Michigan to yet another strong regular season finish at 21-6 and the #3 seed in the West Region. They make it back to the Elite Eight only to have their hopes and dreams smashed by Arkansas. President Bill Clinton laughs at your pathetic excuse for a basketball team as his Razorbacks go on to win the National Title. The window is beginning to slam shut...
1995 - The Fab Four has now become the Fab Two as Juwan Howard and Jalen Rose have left for the NBA. The Wolverines barely squeak into the NCAA Tournament as the #9 seed in the Midwest region...only to lose to...fucking Western Kentucky?! In OT?! The hell??!
1996 - The Fab Five era has officially ended at Michigan, but the Wolverines still make it back to the NCAA Tournament with an improved 21-10 record and the #7 seed in the Midwest Region. Only to receive a Lone Star State-sized ass whooping at the hands of Texas in the first round.
1997 - Despite another winning record you miss out on the NCAA tournament for the first time in 6 years. You at least make the NIT, and you win THAT tournament's championship game against Florida State?! I...guess that's impressive. Michigan fans, I hate to say it but this is your team's best moment since 1989. Cherish it. Because you're not gonna like what's coming next.
1997 offseason - Michigan then rewards Steve Fisher's efforts for winning the NIT tournament...by firing him before the start of next season during a scandal...which we will explain next. Let's rewind the tape a bit...
1996 - Michigan has plans to rebuild back into a powerhouse. They decide to recruit an upcoming high school star from Flint named Mateen Cleaves. As he and Maurice Taylor are driving to Ann Arbor, they lose control of their Ford Explorer on M-14 and flip over. Turns out they were going to visit a prominent...University of Michigan booster named Ed Martin. Who apparently supplied players with money...and ran an illegal gambling operation...and a money laundering operation...which are in violation of NCAA rules. Oops. Let's hope the NCAA sweeps this whole thing under the rug...if not then you are totally fucked...
1998 - With Steve Fisher gone your new head coach is Brian Ellerbe. Thanks to stars like "Tractor" Traylor and Louis Bullock the Wolverines finish with a strong 24-8 record. They manage to win another tournament game and move on to the next round...where they are then upset by UCLA.
Now is where the real suffering begins...
1999 - Turns out that Ellerbe's first season was a fluke and your window has now slammed shut on your hands. You're terrible again! You turn into a laughing stock by finishing dead last in the Big Ten.
2000 - You are so trash that you lose in the first round...of the NIT tournament...to the Fighting Irish...trash.
2000 National Championship Game - Remember that Mateen Cleaves guy you tried to recruit? Well, turns out he became a contributor to your rival Michigan State's run to a second National Title. May your suffering continue...
2001 - You finish near the bottom of the Big Ten yet again with a 10-18 record. The team is choking so hard that they tell Brian Ellerbe and his choking ways to fuck off.
But wait, there's more!
2002 - Good news is that the NCAA decides not to put sanctions on you. The bad news is...your University's administration decides to do the NCAA's job for them. As a result of the Ed Martin scandal, University of Michigan administrators decide to vacate your entire 1993 season, as well as each game from the 1995 to the 1999 season. Also, your appearance in the 1992 Final Four has been vacated. Not the entire tournament, just the Final Four. Jesus Christ, even after 1993, the College Basketball world is still sodomizing this team with a chainsaw...
2002, continued - With Brian Ellerbe gone, Michigan decides to recruit the glorious....TOMMY AMAKER...oh Christ, you are so fucked...my condolences...
2004 - You finished with a 18-11 record? At least you made the NIT...and you won the NIT again against Rutgers? Well, I'll be damned, at least it's not all torture.
2006 - You made the NIT tournament again but you lose to South Carolina in the championship game. Please tell me there's a light at the end of the tunnel...soon...
2007 - The Tommy Amaker era is finally over, now get the fuck out of here with your losing.
2007 offseason - It's time for us to hire a real head coach again. This John Beilein guy will do.
2009 - John Beilein's effects on the team are very positive, as thanks to new recruits such as Zack Novak, Stu Douglass and DeShaun Sims, the Wolverines FINALLY make it back to the NCAA tournament after 11 years. They make it in as the #10 seed in the South regional and pull off an upset against Clemson in the first round...but in the second round they are then defeated by Blake Griffin and Oklahoma. You've got promise though. Keep it going.
2011 - After a disappointing 2010 season the Wolverines finally make it back to the NCAA tournament, this time as an #8 seed in the West Region. After pulverizing Tennessee in the first round, they clash with their old foe from years past in Duke in the second round...only to be narrowly defeated in the final seconds. Man, fuck those assholes from Duke...
2012 - Thanks to new recruits Trey Burke, Tim Hardaway Jr., and Jordan Morgan, the Wolverines experience their best season in ages and finish the regular season ranked for the first time in 15 years. They're the #4 seed in the Midwest region...and the lose in the first round...to Ohio. Yes...Ohio. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE TO A FUCKING MAC TEAM IN THE FIRST ROUND ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME...GET ME THE GODDAMN BLEACH.
2013 - Anyway, let's just look at the fact that the Wolverines just recruited the top class in the country for 2013. New recruits Mitch McGary, Nik Stauskas and Glenn Robinson III join Trey Burke and Tim Hardaway Jr. in forming...the new Fab Five. At least this reincarnation won't be scandal ridden.
2013, continued - Michigan experiences their best season since the Fab Five era as they pull off numerous feats, starting of the season 19-1, being ranked #1 in the AP Poll for the first time in two decades and finishing with a 26-7 regular season record. They are the #4 seed in the South region, and they steamroll past South Dakota State and VCU to reach their first Sweet 16 appearance since 1994.
2013 NCAA Tournament, Sweet 16 - Ugh, you're down by 3 against Kansas in the final seconds...just get it over with-you're not choking? You pulled off the upset in OT? Say it isn't so!
2013 NCAA Tournament, Elite Eight - And then you embarrass Florida and finally make it back to the promised land - your first Final Four appearance in 20 years. And you're facing another tough opponent looking to end their own championship drought in Syracuse. Eh, they made it far enough, it's your time now!
2013 Final Four - You manage to take out Syracuse and you make it back to the National Championship! And you're facing yet another team with a lengthy championship drought in Louisville. Hell, some have listed you as an upset favorite to win the title! Bring it home!
2013 National Championship Game - You're up by 12 in the first half...now finish them!!!
Second Half - What?! WHAT?!! You seriously blew a 12 point lead to a Louisville team that was all but handing you the game?! I...I can't even...just fuck off already. Time to hit the bleach again...YOU BLEW IT!!!
2014 - New year, strong start. You're the #2 seed in the Midwest Region and are heavy favorites to win the title. Duke and Wichita State all choked early so you have a chance to make the Final Four again. Don't disappoint...
2014 NCAA Tournament, Elite Eight - You're up by 10 against an 8th seeded Kentucky team. Finish them off-wait, you blew that lead too? What the fuck is wrong with you and blowing leads to inferior competition?! Well, this bleach ain't gonna drink itself...
2016 - After collapsing in the 2015 season, the team is back in rebuilding mode again, but makes it back to the NCAA Tournament. Though you manage to defeat Tulsa in the First Four you are then pulverized by Notre Dame in the first round. The window is shutting again...wonderful...
2017 - Or not! After a sluggish start, new recruits Jordan Poole, Isaiah Livers, German phenom Moe Wagner, and Muhammad-Ali Abdur-Rakman, the Wolverines manage to win the Big Ten tournament and gain an automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament as a #7 seed in the Midwest Region. After squeaking by Oklahoma State in the first round, they then get revenge on Louisville for 2013 and return to the Sweet 16. Unfortunately, they are edged out by Oregon, a team that hadn't made the Final Four in almost 80 years. Woof.
2017 offseason - Great news! Turns out that due to a sex scandal involving head coach Rick Pitino, Louisville has been forced to vacate their 2013 title! So I guess you can call yourselves the unofficial champions? At least you don't have to hang your heads in shame anymore...yay?
2018 - You win the Big Ten Tournament yet again and finish the regular season with a 28-7 record. You are the #3 seed in the West Region. Please let this be the year...
2018 NCAA Tournament, Second Round - Ugh, you're down by 2 against Houston? Just get it over wi-
"At mid court, extra pass...'buzzer sounds'...IN IT GOES FOR THE WIN!!! THE THREE POINTER...BY JORDAN POOLE!!!"
You're not choking...
2018 NCAA Tournament, Sweet 16 - You're gonna lose to Texas A&M?! They haven't made it out of the Sweet 16 in their EXISTENCE for god's sake. Don't tell me you're gonna shit the be-you're not choking?
2018 NCAA Tournament, Elite Eight - Are you seriously trying to hand Florida State the game here? Quit playing down to your competition! Do something for once! Beat their asse-you're...not...choking? You made the Final Four? And you're facing the Cinderella team of the decade in Loyola-Chicago? I'll be damned.
2018 Final Four - After being down by 11 to Loyola-Chicago you come back to beat Loyola-Chicago by 12 and ruin Sister Jean's hopes for a second national title for the state of Illinois. You're back in the Championship game, and you're facing a tough opponent in Villanova. Will this be the year you finally break through?!
2018 National Championship Game - And you then proceed to blow yet another lead and get Death Starred by the Wildcats. Your best season since 1989, and you get turned into a laughing stock once again. Like seriously, you couldn't even make a close game out of this? God, you're pathetic. And as a result of all this choking you now have the WORST ever record in the National Championship game of the teams that have won a National Title at 1-6. You are tied with Duke and Kansas for most losses in the National Title game. To quote Asuka from End of Evangelion, "Pathetic." I'm going to combine this bleach with fabric softener now. It's been ages since 1993 now and College Basketball is still sodomizing this team with a Chainsaw.
2019 - Okay, you may be the #3 seed in the West region again but your window is beginning to slam shut now. Please, do SOMETHING!! You don't. You get embarrassed by Texas Tech in the Sweet 16 - a team that hadn't made it past the Sweet 16 in their existence.
And now John Beilein has decided to fuck off to the NBA. Fuck...here come the dark ages again.
2020 - Former Fab Five alum Juwan Howard is your new head coach, and it turns out that he's not that bad. He leads you to a 19-12 start going into the Big Ten tournament...and then COVID-19 hits and the NCAA tells everyone to fuck off. No tournament this year...
And I'm all out of bleach now. Maybe this team can let me down at my funeral like they have for the past decade...
As a Michigan fan I feel completely broken. Years upon years of failure after that one magical season in 1989. Was this team really worth saving? All of the wasted talent, all of the chances they had to finally end the misery...and for what? A hollow claim to a paper championship in 2013 which Louisville vacated. A 1-6 record in the National Championship game. FOUR straight losses in the National Championship game since the 1989 title. Never ending misery thanks to the Curse of Chris Webber.
But to be frank with you guys, I honestly think 2018 and 2019 were indeed Michigan's final chances to win a second national title. And it's beginning to look that way with the recent COVID pandemic, as the Big Ten has just decided to cancel football for the 2020 season. And if more conferences cancel, it will likely mean no college sports PERIOD this year. So the NCAA Tournament could be cancelled yet again. March Madness is at least 90% of the NCAA's budget revenue, and if the NCAA Tournament is cancelled for 2021, we could see not just the NCAA lose tons of money, but many college athletic departments go under. Welcome to what could be the College Sports apocalypse.
And if you think that the Government is going to bail out any of these athletic departments while this country is still overcoming a loss of a third of it's GDP, I have a bridge in Northern Michigan that I'd like to sell you.
There's no way these athletic departments are getting bailouts right after claiming non-profit status, but had the balls to ask the senate for anti-trust exemptions. Total lack of self awareness.
We could witness the college sports version of the Smoot-Hawley act.
If College Sports does return late in 2020 or in 2021, it's going to look very different, dramatically different, and it may be for the worse.
And as a Michigan fan it makes me sad to think that the Wolverines may never win a title in college basketball or football ever again, especially since this pandemic is gonna have major financial ramifications, and potentially on the well known programs.
We could see the end of College Sports in it's current form, or for good. And this will be a miserable time for fans of teams that are suffering from a major title drought like Michigan and others.
Fuck this year. I'm beginning to think our world really did end on December 21, 2012, and we're all just living in a simulation now.

Final Report to Mr. Eggs, Thursday, March 26th, 2020.
Better read it all. It's the last report I'll have a chance to make. The job ended early, and badly. But when I'm hired, I see the job through. I can't get all the salmon, but I'll by God write a report saying why.
Here's your damn code phrase: Early Bird Prosthetic Femur Salesman. Google yourself silly.
There's still salmon on the way to your cutout, Molly and Dale's last shipments. We got a lot, a load of bones, maybe 800-900 steaks, but it cost way too much.
Like you told me, I'm posting anonymously to the internet, and inserting my first reports in this one. Good thing, since it looks like my first two reports got deleted; Google only shows the third. Since this is the last report, I'm not hiding names of the Hotel Non Dormiunt or the towns. It doesn't matter who sees these reports any more.
First Report to Mr. Eggs, Friday, March 6, 2020.
Wed, Mar 4, 2020. Driving through Mount Ida, Arkansas, I found a rock shop selling big chunks of raw glass. I loaded a forty-pound pink lump into my trunk. I also did a little scouting around Lake Ouachita, looking for quiet access points.
At a hardware store in Hot Springs, I bought fifteen feet of 1/16" steel cable. Cash for everything, of course.
Thu, Mar 5, 2020. In Hot Springs, I contacted the amateur historian you named. Frankly, at this point I believed you were getting scammed, this historian was running some weird con. Seriously, a hi-rise hotel that appears and disappears? Complete crock.
The gangster part of it didn't bug me, from you or from him. I'd heard of Yankee gangsters like Capone and Dillinger vacationing in Arkansas. My own grandfather claimed to have seen John Dillinger on Bath House Row when he was a kid.
Sounds crazy today, but in 1931 Bugsy Siegel's Las Vegas was still sixteen years away. Hot Springs was wide-open, gambling and drinking, classy natural-spring bath houses, whores high-toned enough for a Boston cathouse.
I told the guy I'd buy him lunch, a place out near Lake Ouachita. I let him chatter as I drove, about Al Capone's favorite Suite 443 at the Arlington Hotel in Hot Springs. One time it was unavailable, so Capone stayed at another hotel, "newly built" (though nobody'd noticed construction) a block away. "Where the wax museum is now," he said.
The guy tried to describe his research, rambling about how he'd traced the granddaughter of a Depression-era whore. "She remembered all her granny's stories about Capone." Did he bend your ear with all this crap?
Capone had taken two suites and several regular rooms on the sixth floor, the same numbers you told me. After two weeks he went back north. "Last time Capone came to Hot Springs," the guy said. "A month later he was on trial for tax evasion." He shrugged. "Unlucky hotel to visit, at least for him."
He thought I wanted every detail. "The Hotel was only here a few weeks. The granddaughter helped me track it down to San Antonio in 2014, two blocks from the Alamo." I half-listened as he bragged about bribing maids and wheedling the concierge. "I finally saw the registry from 1931. Capone was in Suite 638, registered as Al Gabriel. His brother Ralph had Suite 639 across the hall, and the 'Gabriel party' had 634 to 645."
I didn't tell him you'd already told me the numbers. I also didn't mention the videos you made of the rooms in Seattle. By now we were through Mount Ida, on a back road. He asked where the cafe was, so I smacked the back of his head to shut him up.
I drove to where I'd found a high bluff overlooking Lake Ouachita, tied the glass chunk to him with 1/16" cable, and dropped him into forty feet of water. Like you wanted, nobody else will hear his story. I hope to hell you know what you're doing.
End First Report to Mr. Eggs, Friday, March 6, 2020. Signed and Submitted.
Second Report to Mr. Eggs, Wednesday, March 18, 2020.
Fri, Mar 13, 2020. On the principle that even if your elevator skips floors, you're paying me a metric assload of money, I drove to Eureka Springs to wait for the Hotel Non Dormiunt.
You said it should appear between the 15th and the 25th, so I checked into the Basin Park, a hotel on such a steep hillside that all seven floors have ground-level exits. They say Al Capone's sister stayed here. I paid for a week. Rates not bad, hardly any guests, COVID-19 cutting into people's travel.
For four days I walked downtown, looking for a hotel that appeared overnight. Sometimes I hired a mountain bike to hit the trails. Best paid vacation I've ever had, in spite of rain and now the restaurants shutting down. Thanks, Mr. Eggs.
Wed, Mar 18, 2020. Turning off Main onto Spring Street for the hundredth time, I glanced ahead at my hotel. On the left just before it was Basin Spring Park, empty this chilly afternoon. Behind the park was a steep wooded hillside.
Except today a huge shadow loomed behind the park. Set back from the street, a building way taller than the Basin Park Hotel. Brick and masonry, it rose above the trees. A narrow driveway had appeared beside the park.
I'd been watching for it for days, but I still stopped dead and gaped. Low clouds hid the top, but it stood at least twelve stories, here where a seven-story building was a landmark.
I'm a hard man, Mr. Eggs. But I've got to admit I was pretty damn shaken up.
A rusty little sign by the driveway pointed to "The Hotel Non Dormiunt", just what you claimed. I walked right by. But my knees felt loose.
So it's here. So I'm posting my second report. I wish you'd given me a damn email address. I hope you're searching for "Early Bird Prosthetic Femur Salesman" often enough to see this.
I've told Molly and Dale to get ready. Time for you to make the room reservations. If you can't get the suites, we're dead in the water.
End Second Report to Mr. Eggs, Wednesday, March 18, 2020. Signed and Submitted.
Third Report to Mr. Eggs, Monday, March 23, 2020.
Fri, Mar 20, 2020. The news said the governors of New York and Illinois have ordered all "non-essential" businesses in those states closed. California's already done it. If Governor Hutchinson issues an order for Arkansas, your party ends early.
Sat, Mar 21, 2020. Molly called. We're both using burner phones. They'd checked into 639, the Ralph suite across from Capone's, as newlyweds named Rick and Nadine. So far so good—you actually found my report online, you actually made the reservations. They'd spend two days in the room, newlywed-style, then come out and start sightseeing.
Molly gave me web addresses. They fed video to my phone and laptop from the spy cameras she'd stuck up at either end of the hall.
Mon, Mar 23, 2020. I checked into 626, a double room, reserved in the name of Seward Blake. A sign at the front desk said the dining rooms and lounge were closed until further notice. The clerk assured me that room service would be quick and excellent.
You warned there'd been a fire recently on the sixth floor, but I saw no trace of any repairs. The hall carpet was worn, the flocked wallpaper faded, the blue-painted doors scuffed. Old-fashioned transoms, all closed, topped the doors.
The furnishings in 626 looked like the Hotel hadn't redecorated since Capone's last visit. Brass bedframes you could slide trunks under. Wall lamps converted from gaslight to electricity. Standing wardrobes instead of closets. Wingback armchairs by a heavy blond-oak table.
The bathroom, at least, had a modern tub and shower. A large TV stood on a cheap bureau. But the porcelain sink still had separate hot and cold faucets.
None of the doors had peepholes, so I checked the feeds from Molly's cameras. The hall was empty. No sense waiting: I pulled out the key you gave me and stepped into the hall.
The rooms on this floor all had old-fashioned metal keys on tags instead of electronic locks. Most hotels this size have someone in maintenance or security who can change the locks if necessary.
Question was, if a key went missing, did the Hotel rekey or take its chances? Would the key you stole in Seattle in 2011 still work?
I strode briskly down to 638, slid the key in the lock. For a moment it hung, then turned with a clack. I was in.
As you know, this suite, a parlor and two bedrooms, was even more antiquated than mine. The same converted gaslamps, the same ancient sink fittings, but also tongue-and-groove wainscoting, pressed-tin ceiling panels, cut-glass vases, and crocheted doilies and antimacassars. A sterling-silver ice bucket, several pressed-glass tumblers, and two cut-glass decanters (both empty, sadly) sat on a sideboard. All just like your videos.
I ignored the furniture, except for the doilies and the bedcovers. If it wouldn't fit in a bag, I wasn't interested. I also ignored the digital clocks, the microwave, and the various TVs. You hired me because Al Capone slept in this suite, and Capone never saw a TV in his life.
Molly called. We checked the cameras, then I opened the door and let her dart across from 639.
"So what's the deal?" she asked. "Somebody bringing jewels, or a bag of money? Or is it straight kidnapping?"
They'd worked with me six times before, but never in my peculiar specialty: antiques. "It's a nut job," I said. "Al Capone stayed here in 1931. Mr. Eggs"—I'd told them your alias—"is some kind of nostalgia nut, anything about Capone. He wants to recreate Al Capone's hotel room in his house."
I waved at the parlor. "Everything here that might date back to 1931 is fair game. Anything you can carry. If we can, we're stripping this room till the walls bleed."
Molly was startled. But she's like me, does what she's hired for. "I'll do the demo work," I said. "Strip the ceiling tins, pull the fixtures. You and Dale are transport. 'Rick and Nadine' got two days in bed; now you want to sightsee. You'll run in and out all day, and you'll carry a load from here every time."
"That's why you wanted the big tote bags."
"Yeah. Once a day or so you'll drive over to Springdale and ship boxes from the UPS store." I texted her the cutout address you gave me.
"What if somebody rents this room?"
"Mr. Eggs reserved this room until April. And the rooms to either side of it, so nobody hears me tear stuff out. And the maids have been ordered to leave all these rooms alone."
I didn't admit to Molly that you never explained how you'd get three different reservations, all specially on the sixth floor, without the Hotel thinking they were connected. If Hotel security decided Molly and Dale and I were all related to the mystery guest reserving a block of rooms, this job would end soon. And badly.
It looks like we're the only guests on six. For that matter, I haven't seen any other guests in the whole Hotel. Not many tourists, right now.
I don't like feeling this conspicuous.
End Third Report to Mr. Eggs, Monday, March 23, 2020. Signed and Submitted.
Final Report to Mr. Eggs, Thursday, March 26, 2020.
Continuing Mon, Mar 23, 2020. I started the demo work that evening. First I took the faucets and valves from the sink. I stole the faucet and feet from the ancient clawfoot tub, brass claws clenching real glass balls.
Each bedroom had one real painting above the bed, not just a print. One was a lighthouse at sunset. The other showed three fat old sailing ships in a stormy sea. Neither painting was in your videos, but both looked old. I'd grab them if I had time, if they'd fit in Molly's big carryall.
Floor and table lamps gave enough light that I started tearing out the wall lamps as well. These were definitely antique, converted from gaslight. Wiring snaked right through the gas pipes, gas burner replaced with an electric socket. The valves to control the gas flame were still in place, wide open to pass the wires. The shades looked original, milky-white molded glass.
I puzzled over the tongue-and-groove wainscot. Even Molly's carryall wasn't big enough for four-foot boards, but I wanted to get some.
I ignored the portable stuff, decanters and doilies and such. In ninety years, most of them had likely been replaced. I'd look them over after I took what was nailed down.
Before bed I sent Molly a text that I had a load of "bones" ready. Even on prepaid phones, we used code, same as my reports. "Cannery" for the Hotel. "Salmon" for the merchandise in general. "Bones" for rigid fittings, "steaks" for ceiling tins, and so on.
I told her to pick them up in the morning. Nothing would stay in their room more than a few minutes. My room down the hall would stay absolutely sterile, no salmon at all in it.
Molly asked me to come to their room. They had an announcement, a confession, in fact: She was three months pregnant. I was annoyed as hell.
"When you first called I didn't know," she said. "I didn't tell you after—I was scared you'd cancel the job."
"I would have," I said. They were normally good for this sort of work, young, ordinary-looking, forgettable. Both a little pudgy, a little dim-looking. Good actors, steady and unexcitable. Trustworthy, usually, if they felt well paid.
Ordinarily, I'd have staked my life on Molly keeping her head. In fact, I'd staked my liberty several times already, on her as receiver or distraction. Dale really was a little dim, but Molly thought on her feet, and the whole FBI couldn't rattle her.
But pregnant? She was far from starting to show, only three months along, and round-bellied anyway. And really, is it that unusual for a new bride to be pregnant?
But I wouldn't trust a pregnant Molly to keep her head on the job. For that matter, I wouldn't trust Dale, either. Parenthood screws up your priorities. And this was their first kid.
Too late to replace them. I crossed my fingers and hoped things stayed quiet.
Tue, Mar 24, 2020. I spent the day standing on furniture, gently prying loose the pressed-tin ceiling panels. The ones in the bathroom were corroded from decades of damp, but in the main rooms they were in excellent shape. I'd seen tins this good on eBay for fifty dollars and up. Between the parlor and bedrooms, there had to be around a thousand salvageable tins, all under a foot square.
Molly and Dale ferried out the "bones", then several small loads of "steaks". In the afternoon, they drove to Springdale to box up our first shipment. Molly was cool as anything, carrying thousands of dollars of stolen tin in her big flowery canvas tote. Dale carried more in his day pack. They mixed up their trips, sometimes going together, sometimes not, so the clerks wouldn't expect a pattern.
Each time they left I watched the camera feeds, in case something went wrong and I needed to bail out. Around four, Dale went out to get gas in their truck and stash another load. Molly collected another stack of tins from me and, after a glance at the feeds, headed for the elevators.
Which chose that moment to open. Someone stepped out, an older woman in dark clothes. Molly should have walked right up, stepped on the elevator, and been gone. She'd done that once earlier, meeting one of the strange shaven-headed maids.
But this time she hesitated, then suddenly charged past the older woman, right past the elevators. She walked to the hall's end, and disappeared into a side corridor.
What the hell?
The woman stared after her, then walked down the hall and knocked on a door. I thought she was knocking on 626, my room. Standing on a bed in Capone's suite, I couldn't answer. She knocked again, waited a while, then returned to the elevator.
My phone beeped: Molly. She spoke softly when I answered. "Gonna need some help, here," she said. "I'm kinda stuck."
"How so?"
"I tried to hide in a linen closet. I was pushing back into a corner behind a maid cart, and a shitload of towels and sheets fell on me. Now I'm kinda wedged in this corner; you gotta come dig me out."
"Why the hell did you hide?"
"I panicked. That woman on the elevator, she scared the shit out of me. I don't know why."
"Is anyone there?"
"I don't think so."
"You still got a bag full of steaks?"
"Yeah."
Crap. If she was clean, she could have called the desk to ask for a maid. They had a plan for turning up in odd places: We were playing hide-and-seek, and got carried away. But that wouldn't work if she had a tote full of tin. "Okay, Rick's out somewhere, so I'll come get you."
But I couldn't find her. "Come on," Molly said. "These towels are getting heavy."
I'd seen on camera where she went. Down that side hall there was one linen closet, and she wasn't in it.
Maybe I'd mixed up the camera views. I took every side hall on the sixth floor. There were more than I expected. I opened three linen closets and a maintenance cupboard full of breakers and valves, but I didn't find Molly. All I found was a big black cat, that disappeared into a wall crevice.
"Shit!" Molly exclaimed. "There's a rat or something in here! I can feel it moving!"
One eye on my phone, I went back to 638 and started over. "The towels're settling, or something," she said. "I can't move my arms. They're pinned."
Sweating, I surveyed the entire floor, counting off every door I passed. Guest rooms; linen closets with nothing but crates of cleaning supplies on the floor, towels and sheets all neatly on shelves; two staircases; the service elevator; the maintenance cupboard; the main elevators.
I was back at 638. "Oh, God," Molly moaned. "The sheets are moving. They're wrapping me up."
"Don't panic," I said. "You're just scared." So was I.
"I see them!" she cried. "They're winding round and round me! Getting tighter!"
Where the hell was Molly? "Are you sure you're on the sixth floor?"
On the phone, she was starting to pant. "Please," she wheezed. "I can't breathe."
Breathing hard myself, I pulled up the camera history. Again, I watched her leave 639, walk past the stranger at the elevators, then turn into a side corridor.
I ran to the side hall. It ran straight for only a short distance. Twelve rooms, a stairway, and a linen closet opened off it—nothing else.
I opened the closet a third time. Molly's voice was growing faint. "He'p," she breathed. "Dale…he'p…me…" I shoved the two maid's carts into the hall, but there was nobody behind them, just crates of bathroom cleaner and little soaps and toilet tissue.
Molly's voice stopped. The call stayed open, but I didn't hear her.
I shoved the carts back in and shut the closet. Returning to the central hall, I nearly ran into someone at the corner. A gray-haired woman, nearly as tall as me, in dark clothes. Her eyes were dark and uncomfortably sharp. Heart pounding, I struggled for something to say.
She glanced toward my door beyond the elevators. She knew which room I was in. "D'ja get lost?" she asked dryly.
"Not lost, just confused," I said frankly. "This floor layout doesn't make sense. It seems like there ought to be at least one more hall back here somewhere."
She nodded. "I getcha. All the years I work here, I never have figgered out where all the halls go. S'like they pick up and move sometimes." She walked past me toward the stairs. "If ya figger it out, lemme know."
After she was gone, I stood shaking for a minute or two. Whoever she was, she made me feel guilty. I could almost understand Molly's panic. Almost.
I called to Molly over and over, but only silence answered. I retraced my steps again, starting from 639. Down the hall, past the elevators, around the corner. To the end of the side hall.
Where a large unlabeled door opened into a hall I hadn't seen before. A hall that wasn't there before. Down that hall, room numbers now past 660, to a fourth linen closet beside a third stair door.
I found a pile of towels and sheets, just as Molly'd said. I pulled out the maid's cart and started shifting towels. Molly's face was blue, her eyes half-closed, dry and staring. She had no pulse.
Even if I'd known CPR, it wasn't possible in her position. She'd crouched behind the cart, and the weight of fallen linens had pushed her into a twisted fetal position. I started pulling her out, glancing now and again at the camera feeds.
Then I saw. Her legs were buried loosely, but her upper body was wrapped. Two or three sheets wound around her chest and belly like a shroud. Her right arm was pinned at her hip. Her left was crushed into her ribs, her phone still at her ear.
I tugged at the sheets. They were as taut as guitar strings. They'd wrapped her like the coils of a snake, squeezing until she couldn't draw breath. The sheets had killed her. And the Hotel had hidden this closet, this whole corridor, until it was too late for me to help.
What the hell kind of place did you hire me to rob?
Three months pregnant. I hadn't cried since my mother's funeral in 1992, but I was damn close right then.
My phone showed a maid getting off the service elevator. Hastily, I tugged Molly's carryall loose from the heap of towels. I covered her body and shoved the cart to hide it. Closing the closet, I slipped onto the stairs.
I couldn't be seen carrying Molly's bag out of the Hotel, flowery and bright, not the sort a single man my age would have. I waited on the stairs until the hall was clear, then returned the carryall to 638.
Dale didn't come back to 639 for half an hour. I crossed the hall to tell him. Besides being as pleasant as that much time spent being punched in the gut, telling him was a tactical mistake. I wanted him to play dumb and report her missing. But he fell completely apart on me.
"We have to go get her," he kept saying. "She wouldn't want me to leave her there."
"Would she want you to go to prison?" I grabbed his shoulder and dug in my fingers. "Your truck's full of stolen stuff. She's dead. It was worth the risk when I thought I could maybe save her. But I'm not going to prison for a corpse."
He tried to punch me, so I pinched a nerve in his shoulder. I was getting frustrated, but he and Molly didn't become thieves because they were geniuses. They were greedy, selfish, lazy dropouts. They'd only made two really good choices in life: stay off drugs, and hook up with someone smarter and more experienced.
Now that choice was biting them in the ass. I felt guilty, but sticking with me was still Dale's best option.
I bullied him until he came around. "Besides that," I said, pointing at Molly's bag, "we've still got a pile of steak to move."
"And all the fillets," he said, meaning soft goods.
"And I don't have a big tote bag to carry around, just my suitcases. So getting the fish out is still all on you, except for the very last trip."
I handed him her carryall. "Take another load out. Stop at the desk and ask if anybody's seen Nadine." Normally I wouldn't have reminded him of his wife's alias, but normally he wasn't in shock and normally she wasn't dead.
Back in 638, I made a swift survey. Now that Molly's corpse was about to turn up, we were out of time. All of the wall lights were gone, and nearly all of the pressed tin. The plumbing fittings had already shipped. The wainscot and dado rails were a lost cause. So were the paintings.
Like I said, I'd ignored the portable items as unlikely to be authentic. The table and floor lamps, though Victorian in style, looked fairly new. The bed covers couldn't possibly be ninety years old. The glasses and decanters were probably replacements, even reproductions.
I checked one of the glasses. High-quality pressed glass—Heisey, in fact. Maybe Capone never actually touched them, but they weren't from Walmart, either. I figured we'd take them, as well as the doilies and antimacassars, which looked hand-crocheted.
Back in 626, I ordered a roast-beef sandwich and coffee from room service. Fifteen minutes later, when someone knocked, I answered the door without checking the cameras.
The gray-haired lady stood there. I recoiled before I could stop myself. I'd completely forgotten she'd come here earlier. "Can I come in?" she asked, mildly enough, amused at my reaction.
I waved her into the room and closed the door. Once again I had trouble with words. She unnerved me. "You said you're with the Hotel, right?" I finally said.
"Kinda. I'm Stern. Chief a' security." She wore a dark gray polo over black slacks. She looked lean, even athletic. Despite her iron-gray hair, I couldn't judge her age. If I had to, could I beat her in a fight? I wasn't sure.
She gestured up the hall toward 639. She was left-handed, I noticed. "Ya know the young couple?"
"I've seen them. They go in and out a lot."
"Didn't the first coupla days. Newlyweds. Ya seen the girl today?"
I paused as if to think. "I might have seen her this morning."
Someone else knocked. Stern answered before I could move. A waitress stood there with my sandwich and coffee. Stern took the tray and passed it to me one-handed. I saw an engagement ring on her finger, silver with a red stone.
"She's missin'," Stern went on. "Husband hadn't seen her f'r hours. If ya see her, give the desk a call, wouldja?"
Her cold eyes said something much scarier. "You 'kinda' work here?"
She smiled tightly. "Semi-retired. I fix things now and then, that's all. Like a hobby." Her eyes weren't smiling. "Keeps me chipper." Chipper.
"Well," Stern said, "she'll turn up, I figger. Lots of newlyweds get cold feet. Suddenly you're stuck wit' one guy, forever." She glanced at her ring. "Some gals can't han'le it."
After she left, I sat on the bed and shuddered. Her eyes, her age, her "hobby"—what sort of man was her fiancé? The sandwich tasted like mud. The coffee was too hot; I gulped it down anyway.
I was too scared go back to 638 that night, picturing Stern roaming with a passkey. Hell, I was scared of my own room, after how Molly died.
I brought my report up to date and went to bed early. I slept badly, fully dressed, on top of the covers because I couldn't bear a sheet. Molly's last breathless words haunted me.
Wed, Mar 25, 2020. In the morning, though, I got up early and ordered breakfast. Fueled by strong coffee, I was soon back at it.
I made Dale carry out several loads, pretending to look for his wife around town. He told the Hotel staff he and Nadine had argued, and he was too embarrassed to involve the police. I told him how to act, how often to pester the staff for news, and so on. He could play a role well, but lacked imagination; he needed good directions.
Molly's body hadn't been found—or it had, and Stern wasn't talking. But with only two occupied rooms on the sixth floor, the maid had no reason to enter that distant linen closet. I kept my hopes up.
Before lunch, I sent Dale to make another shipment. The bedroom ceilings were stripped, the tins wired in bundles to keep them from rattling. I had two rows of tins left in the parlor when Dale came back around two.
"We're leaving tonight," I told him, standing on the table. "Whatever we can't carry out stays behind."
"Including Molly," he said bitterly.
"If you know how to carry a body out of a twenty-story hotel, you've got my blessing." I shrugged. "In the meantime, gather up the doilies and antimacassars to wrap up all that glassware." I had to tell him what an antimacassar was. I'm too damn old.
He got a canvas bag from his room. He wrapped the drinking glasses first, packed them into the silver bucket, and slid it into the bag. Then he reached for one of the big decanters. "Ahh!" he hissed.
He was holding his hand up, staring at the palm. "Cut myself," he said.
The edges on cut glass are crisp, but not usually sharp enough to cut. "Probably chipped somewhere," I said. "Don't slide your hand on it."
He picked up an oversized doily and reached for the decanter's neck. I snapped, "Don't get that crochet work bloody!"
You can believe what happened next or not, but I'm telling what I saw. He wrapped the doily around the neck, and picked up the decanter. He started to flip the doily around the decanter's base. Suddenly the decanter was rolling up his forearms. "Ahh!"
He wore short sleeves. Everywhere the glass touched bare skin it left cuts. The decanter passed his elbows and started up toward his neck. He jerked his arms apart, and it thudded to the heavy carpet.
Blood cascaded from his arms. He stood gaping stupidly at the dozens of gashes. Then he began to moan, rising in pitch; the glass must have cut him too fast for real pain to register. He turned toward me, his arms still spread wide. Behind him, the decanter rocked on the carpet, then rolled toward him.
It struck his left shoe and climbed the heel, shredding cloth, then skin. Then the decanter cut his Achilles tendon, and his leg folded. He collapsed hard into the sideboard, tumbling the other decanter. It rolled, falling onto his upturned face.
He screamed in pain and terror. Both decanters attacked—there's no other word. They sliced his clothes and shredded his flesh. When one finally struck his throat, blood only pulsed weakly. He already bled too many other places.
I stood on the table, paralyzed, wondering if anyone could hear his screams. For a mercy, they ended soon. He was an unrecognizable pile of chopped meat by then. The decanters rolled off and lay still. Gore covered them.
Then they moved again. One, then the other, rolled toward the table I stood on. They bumped against one wooden leg. I saw splinters fly off.
On one level I was disbelieving, but I wasn't going to stand here until they chewed a leg off the table. At first I reached for my pry bar. But what if I smashed a decanter, and all the pieces kept moving? Better to keep the enemy numbers small.
My coil of wire lay nearby. I snipped off a length, bent it into a loop. Lying on my belly, reaching down, I slipped the loop around a decanter's neck and yanked it tight like a garrote.
The decanter stopped moving. I wrapped the wire twice more, picked it up. The other decanter continued to chip at the table leg, with little crunching sounds. I hung my captive from the handle of a wardrobe.
The stopper had come out of the other decanter. After several tries and one sliced knuckle, I slid a long screwdriver into the decanter's neck. I picked it up; it spun briefly one way, then the other, then stopped. I stood it upright on the table. It stayed still.
Taking no chances, I clipped more wire and hung it by the other one. Then I stepped down off the table to look at Dale.
I saw a flash of light, and my shoe fell on something small and round. My foot went out from under me. I'd forgotten about the loose stopper.
It rolled toward me, and I kicked it across the room. Bits of rubber scattered from my shoe. Bouncing off an armchair, the stopper raced back. It was faster, more maneuverable than the decanters. I kicked it again, and grabbed the silver ice tongs. It skinned my ankle before I scrambled back onto the table. Reaching down, I grabbed it with the tongs.
Hand shaking, I dropped it into the decanter. Then I ran to the bathroom and threw up, my vomit acid and tasting of coffee.
My shoes and socks were covered with blood, but the rest of me was still fairly clean. I pulled off shoes and socks and rinsed them in the toilet bowl, then blotted them over and over on fresh towels. Then I threw up again.
I bandaged my knuckle and my ankle—my tool kit includes bandages. I sat on the tub to pull my socks and shoes back on. With its feet gone, the tub teetered and grated on the tiles. When I stood my foot slipped where I'd dripped water. I fell hard to one knee, then fell backward.
I came to on the tile, aching behind my right ear, my brain sort of fuzzy. I limped out, my knee stiff. Avoiding the blood drying in the carpet, I left the suite. I staggered down to 626, where I collapsed on the bed. I'm sure I had a concussion, but I was too fuddled to worry.
I don't know what time I woke. But my head was clearer, and it said I should beat it out of the Hotel Non Dormiunt now, before it killed me. Even if it didn't, with two dead bodies, things would get ugly fast. I started packing.
I'd swing by 638 for the bag with the ice bucket and Heisey glasses. The last ceiling tins were a loss, and I wasn't touching those decanters for a truckload of surgical masks. The spy cameras, purchased anonymously, had always been expendable.
Nothing on this floor could identify me. Hand sanitizer, among its other virtues, is great for blurring fingerprints.
A knock at my door. My phone showed a tall, gray-haired woman. I swore. If I hadn't hit my head, I'd have been gone by now.
No choice but to open up. Stern, face bland, glanced inside and saw my bags piled on the bed. "Now, Mr. Blake," she said, "ya wouldn't be after stealin' our toilet paper, would'ja?" Her tone was carefully friendly. Too friendly.
This time I was braced for her. "No, but I boosted a case of bleach from your laundry." I turned back to my packing. "What can I do for you?"
Her random-sounding reply confused me. "Right at the turn of the century, they had a bad fire, here on six. Really bad. Gutted a whole wing, ever'thing from 660 to 695. Killed one poor lady, 'bout crippled her husband. Woulda shut down a lotta houses."
Then she reached her terrifying point. "But a coupla weeks later, s'like it never happent. The sixth floor just sorta fixes itself. So when you mugs moved in to clean out the Capone suite, I figgered the Hotel c'd watch out f'r itself."
I couldn't make a sound.
"I figgered no harm done, rooms'll fix 'emselves back up. They tried redecoratin' in the fifties, ya know, again in the seventies, but the suite still looks pretty much like I saw it when Capone was here." I missed a bit, trying to make sense of that. "—get whatever ya c'n hump out. Then a pregnant lady gets herself killed."
"Pregnant!" I gasped, too stunned to pretend. "Who told you? The cops?" Good Lord, they'd found Molly! How long ago?
"Cops stay outta my Hotel. I did an autopsy, that's all." She pulled a clasp knife from her back pocket, flicked it open and closed, and put it away. "Not t'first."
She had to be screwing with me. "You can't do things like that."
"Can't I just?" Her dark eyes lit with a black fire. "I don't like innocent kids gettin' killed in my Hotel."
For a moment fury overcame fear. "It was your Hotel that killed her! I could've saved her!"
"Yeah," she said. "The Hotel and I don't always see things t'same." She raised her hand, the engagement ring glinting on her finger. "But you brought her. You got her in trouble. You're gonna tell me all about it." She snapped her finger. Pain exploded in the knot behind my ear, and I dropped to my knees.
I don't remember a single question. But she burned through my memories. Her eyes, her glare were physical agony, drilling into my skull.
It lasted forever. Telling her how you hired me, how you made the reservations, how I killed the historian, how I found Molly too late. I relived Dale's gruesome death, my terror when the decanters came for me. I told her your search phrase. I gave her the cutout address where we'd shipped all the salmon.
I said I hadn't known Molly was pregnant. I said the Hotel was evil and murderous, and if she was so damn righteous she should kill it. She replied, "One'a these days I might figger out just how."
Of course I couldn't tell her who you are. That didn't bug her.
When she finally let me go, I lay on the blood-soaked carpet of Suite 638, sobbing like a little boy scared of the circus clowns. I don't remember how I got there. Shreds of Dale's clothes and flesh stuck to me. I'd pissed my pants.
"I'm sorry," I said over and over. I was apologizing that everything I'd stolen was already gone. For not being able to tell Stern who you were. For Molly, and Dale, and Molly's little one. For being a wicked man.
She just said, "C'mon." She led me into the hall, in urine-soaked pants and bloody shirt, snotty nose and flesh-befouled hair. Humiliated at the thought of meeting anyone, but too terrified to disobey.
She led me to the elevator, up to the twentieth floor. We had the ride to ourselves. For all I know, I was the only guest in the Hotel. She unlocked Room 2031 with a key card and led me inside.
It was more modern than anything on the sixth floor. A sliding-glass door led onto a balcony. We stood out in the chill evening breeze, facing a glorious sunset over the hill behind the Hotel. Red light turned her gray hair to smoky flame. Her ruby ring flared like a fiery eye.
"Look down," she said. I looked. There was a tiny patio behind the Hotel, dark in the hill's shadow. "Climb up," she said. I put one foot on the rail, started to cry again. "G'awn up," she said. Her voice was cool, unforgiving.
Standing on the rail, I clung desperately to a protruding bit of trim. I was going to jump, and die. I couldn't see the patio for my tears.
"Look at me." I looked. Her dark eyes, black flames, charred my soul. "You're mine, now," she said. "You unnerstand?"
I couldn't answer. She tilted her head a millimeter. I felt my feet slipping. "Un-der-stand?"
I nodded frantically. "Yeah!" I cried. "Yeah, I understand!"
So now I work for Stern. At least, I will once I finish this report, the last thing you paid me for. Stern wants me to send it, wants you to read it. She let me clean up and change clothes, then set me to writing.
She was amused that you'd told me when the Hotel would appear. "I try to keep track when people follah the Hotel," she said. "They're always on the make."
She didn't explain how she'd find you, any more than you explained how you predicted the Hotel's arrival. But I believe her.
Early Bird Prosthetic Femur Salesman—she likes that code phrase. She says she'll find anyone who reads it. Too bad for you I started with it.
She's already "figgered out" quite a bit. The historian's mention of a prostitute's granddaughter who could track the Hotel? Stern thinks there's something in that, thinks you might be the granddaughter. "Bess was a nice gal, f'r a whore," she said. "But her kids were just pure-D mean. Hate to think what her grandkids're like."
Molly was greedy and lazy and selfish. Dale was all of that, and a bit dense besides. I'm garbage with a knack for planning, an eye for antiques, and a ruthless streak. But Molly's baby was just in the wrong place.
I'm going to pay for that. Stern will make sure.
But Mister Eggs, you're going to pay first.
End Final Report to Mr. Eggs Thursday, March 26, 2020. Signed and submitted.
Floor Directory
DTS

Everyone had wondered why John and Amanda Baker had moved into the Goddamned Christy house. Sure, it was pretty. And it was even modern. But it was deadly. No one wanted to say anything when the couple bought it on a steal from Kevin Riley, Stanwyck, Georgia's resident real-estate guru. After all, the Bakers and their two cute little children Amy and Michael were outsiders in the Stanwyck community. They were from Atlanta for Christ's sake. And well Atlanta may as well have been a foreign country to these yokels.
After the family moved in, no one really interacted with the Bakers much, and no one really wanted to. It was almost like the townspeople didn't expect this family to last very long. Whether in the house or above ground. After all, surely this family knew of the Christy home's dark history. Wouldn't Kevin or all the internet rumors have alerted them of the house's evil? John and Amanda both did online work at home, they had to have stumbled upon information regarding their supposed "dream home" at some point. An anonymous forum, an amateur ghost hunter site, anything. Everybody in town thought for sure this would be the case. But apparently, it wasn't. And the Bakers remained completely unaware. They had no idea what awaited them inside.
It was three months after the Bakers moved in (the community consensus oveunder was around four) when the 911 call arrived a little after 11:14 P.M. On the phone, a hysterical Amanda Baker was heard begging and pleading for help. Her sobs were uncontrollable, almost painful to listen to. The operator was a newb and absolutely helpless. Amidst Amanda's agonizing rambles of "John's gone crazy," "there's blood everywhere," "hurry before it's too late," only one sentence was completely clear: "he took the children."
*
One month after that frantic phone call, a curious new group arrived at the Christy home. The afternoon sun was blistering and smoldering. But amidst the sweltering summer landscape, the Christy house retained an All-American eloquence. One that wouldn't be out-of-place in your average 1950s sitcom.
The home itself was just two stories of pristine brick. That's it. Even the homes all around it practically looked the same. The big yards, the garden sheds/storage rooms, the brick design.
Unlike its neighbors though, the Christy house also bore something else: actual residents. See, the housing market collapse of 08 really wore down this upper-middle-class neighborhood. Enough so that every other house seemed to wave a buyer beware sticker in the form of a For Sale sign. These weren't selling anytime soon. Not at that price, and not in a non-metropolis city like Stanwyck. After all, this wasn't Atlanta.
But none of that ever stopped the unflappable Kevin Riley. He was Stanwyck's number one realtor. Not to mention Stanwyck's number one asshole or bullshitter depending on who you asked. With this neighborhood though, he certainly had his hands full this time. A challenge none of the city's other agents ever had any luck in: selling the Christy home and its three acres of archaic loveliness.
Kevin was always a bit of a gambler. Whether it was purchasing the foreclosures or stacking off the local politicians in Stanwyck's secret poker games, Kevin liked to gamble. He liked taking chances. The Christy home was as exciting to him as an over-bet bluff on the river. This would be one way to show the locals who's boss. A challenge that could be his crowning achievement as the big fish in this small pond.
Certainly, Kevin's awful yet brilliantly cheesy For Sale signs hinted at a charismatic personality. Big smile, wide eyes, handsome face. The good-looking jock by way of a cartoony car salesman. Such a manic image adorned the front yard of almost every house in this upscale neighborhood.
Like the rest of the Stanwyck community though, Kevin was well aware of the Christy house's morbid history. The murders, the tragedies. But that wasn't stopping him. He was gonna sell this Goddamn house at all cost.
Behind the house's wrought-iron fence, Kevin's potential customers were already arriving. Their fancy SUV pulled into the long driveway, parking right behind a nice truck.
Emerging from the house's front door, Kevin immediately went up to greet this unique crew: Linda Kane's team. His eyes lighting up once he saw their expensive SUV.
Linda, equal-parts adventurous and level-headed, had heard all the stories about the Christy house. Both the facts and the legends brought her here. Nearing her sixties, Linda still retained a youthful beauty, something not going unnoticed by Kevin's wandering eyes.
The rest of the crew was made up of Linda's typical accomplices. The bruise and the wits: Tony Winston, Linda's bodyguard of choice, his big muscles overcompensating for his natural chickenshit instincts, and Bridget Buechler.
Tony had tried to be a football player. Then he tried to be a rapper. He failed at both which led to his natural progression of mall security guard, bouncer, then bodyguard. Somehow he ended up with Linda. It paid better than high school coach, the only other life option for a hulking black man in America apparently.
On the other hand, Bridget was unlike anyone Linda had ever seen because she was unlike anything anyone had ever seen. Bridget the afterlife savant as Linda once referred to her. For Bridget had the innate ability to sense spirits and paranormal presences. She could even see or hear them. Even though she had possessed these abilities since childhood, Bridget had never exploited such a talent. She wasn't one for mugging on Oprah or on those late-night-ads she always saw sandwiched in between the other nocturnal commercials about addiction networks or the latest patented infomercial disaster. Instead, Bridget wanted to stay grounded unlike her ghostly subjects. Her talents were just like any other specialty, she felt. Albeit, within a talent field dominated by sheysters and shitheads forever seeking their fifteen seconds of fame.
Yeah, Bridget knew the stigma associated with her talents, and she didn't like that shit either. Her days as the lone black woman in every paranormal group had taught her to stick to her visions no matter what. Stick to your gut, baby girl, as her grandmama had often told her.
"Well, hello, there," Kevin greeted them, armed with a smile and an outstretched hand.
Linda obliged with the completed handshake, a little distrust in her face.
"It's lovely to meet you in person, Ms. Kane," Kevin stated.
"Yes," Linda replied. "It was a very long trip."
During the casual meet-and-greet, Bridget's eyes strayed all around the Baker property. It was even bigger once you got past the nearly-abandoned Pleasantville neighborhood. And past that tall and imposing gate.
The yard was undeniably pretty. Full of tall pines and trimmed hedges. An idealic idyll. A sight for sore eyes considering how far Linda and the crew had traveled to get here. All the way from Chicago, Illinois and the many plane rides and rental cars that trip encompassed.
Tony shook Kevin's hand. "Nice to meet you," Tony muttered without meaning it.
"Say, you got a strong grip there," Kevin bullshitted back.
"I work out when I can."
Linda patted Tony on the back. "That's why he's mine," she said with sarcasm.
Kevin gives her a flirtatious grin. "Oh really?" he said.
The suggestive look doesn't go unnoticed by the smiling Linda. Kevin was attractive after all. "I could always use more than one bodyguard, you know," she said back.
The comment made Tony give her a WTF look. Kevin liked where this was going.
As the small talk accelerated to excruciating awkwardness, Bridget tuned it out. Her eyes instead focused on a garden in a corner of the yard. A secluded portion of the Christy house landscape.
The garden was lovely. The many flowers in full bloom. The whole thing was well-organized. Even in such thick humidity, anyone could enjoy such a serene sight. Standing a few feet away from the cherished garden, its shed was just as nice. Freshly painted and clean.
Someone took this gardening shit pretty serious, Bridget thought. But Bridget couldn't help but wonder... wasn't this the site of a grisly crime scene just a little over a month ago? Why was this whole area so clean and neat? Had the homeowners just hit the reset button?
"Bridget, come introduce yourself," Linda beckoned. Her rough grasp on Bridget's arm immediately destroyed whatever (and all too infrequently-pleasant) daydreams Bridget was conjuring. "This is the real brains of the operation right here," Linda told Kevin.
"Ah, I see," Kevin commented. He sticks an eager hand out. "You're the gifted one?"
"For what it's worth," Bridget responded as she forced a grin and shook his hand.
"I'd be nowhere without Bridget," Linda explained. "God knows she's rescued me from so many crazies."
Bridget noticed how Kevin eyed her with some skepticism. Nonetheless, he played it off well.
"Nothing wrong with that," Kevin commented to Linda, . He motioned toward the house. "The house certainly is genuine for someone of her talents."
Taking a step back, Linda gazed out at the home. Definitely not your typical haunted appearance. This wasn't Hill House or a Gothic castle, that's for sure. "It really doesn't look it, does it, Bridget?"
Bridget gave Kevin a cold look. "Nope."
"Y'all are aware of the tragedies of this house, I assume," Kevin pleaded. He faced the house himself, getting lost in the visual. "Two families were tragically torn apart in there."
The others watched Kevin's "performance." He was putting on a show that demanded the stage. Shakespeare For Realtors.
"This house guards many dark secrets," Kevin continued as looked at his customers with the intensity of a hammy leading man. "Two little children just snatched up outta here by their own daddy damn near a month ago, and that ain't even the start!" He paused for dramatic effect. Only Tony was uneasy which isn't saying much. "Now, I can't sell this place to a soul in Stanwyck. Something evil lurks in there, you see. Something otherworldly!"
No one said anything even though it was obvious Linda and Bridget were unimpressed.
"It's been there for over twenty years, and it ain't left!” Kevin went on, desperate to engage his potential buyers. “I can tell you that! It ain't leaving anytime soon."
"Okay, man, I believe you," the nervous Tony chimed in.
Like an all-too-friendly preacher, Kevin stepped up closer toward Linda.
She liked his attention at least.
"Now please, ma'am," Kevin started. "I assure you we have the proof for what you're looking for."
"Who's we again?" Bridget inquired.
Before Kevin could answer, a voice rained down from the cozy front porch. "That would be me."
Everyone turned to see Amanda Baker herself standing right outside the front door. Right next to her favorite rocking chair. She looked defiant and rebellious. A Southern Belle of feisty strength rather than dutiful politeness.
"And you're Amanda Baker?" Bridget asked sternly.
Methodical, Amanda took a few steps toward her guests. "Indeed I am," she responded firmly. She stopped and looked right at them, holding them with her big green eyes. "And my friend Kevin here is right. The Christy house is indeed haunted. And we can prove it."
"So you can, huh?" Bridget challenged.
"I've got proof right inside," Amanda answered.
Amanda and Bridget maintained intense eye contact. A staredown between two heavyweights. Bridget couldn't help but wonder why Amanda felt the need to wear jeans and a hoodie in this heat. One of many peculiarities with her probably, Bridget thought.
Eager to break up the tension, Kevin led Linda and Bridget up to the front porch. "Let's go in, shall we."
"That's fine," Bridget said to him.
"You have a wonderful home," Linda exclaimed to Amanda as they stepped up on the porch.
"Thank you," Amanda replied.
Unable to help herself, Bridget glanced over at Amanda. "I'm getting a good vibe already," Bridget quipped with not-so-subtle sarcasm.
"Oh, nothing evil?" Linda asked, the barb flying right over her head.
Amanda just glared at Bridget. This was looking to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
*
The inside of Amanda's home was clean and well-furnished, but Bridget noted how it seemed to be lifeless. From what she understood, Amanda was supposed to have had a husband, a young daughter, and a young son less than a month ago. A nuclear family. So the question wasn't so much as where were they, but why was there no trace of them left?
There were no obnoxious family photos, no toys strewn about, no outward signs of a child making a mess in the house via scribbling and drawing on the walls. In fact, there were no photos anyway. Just clean chairs and couch, a perfect flatscreen, and an antique mirror in the corner. Again, this was so clean considering the recent atrocity.
The staircase nearby looked regal enough. Its wooden steps led up to a dark hallway. Who knew how many times Amy and Michael had stumbled up those steps? Or ran up it for that matter.
In addition to the stoic white walls, the inclusion of a discreet security camera gave the room and house a clinical feel. To Bridget, the house didn't feel inhabited, much less haunted. It felt a relatively new building. Not a home.
With everyone huddled around the flatscreen, Amanda made the group watch her so-called proof: different security videos. As the footage played, Amanda looked anxious and worried. She fit the part of the manic victim quite well. A personification of PTSD.
Bridget thought Amanda looked to be trying too hard, but maybe Bridget was being too harsh. After all, this woman did just lose her entire family.
The videos themselves were all impressive. Amanda showed them one after the other. Each one more chilling and convincing than the last.
There it was on screen. This very living room. In the nighttime footage, the living room's camera had caught Amanda's front door creaking wide open on its own, the loud creak slicing through the midnight silence like an efficient blade. Then came the footsteps. Heavy footsteps that lumbered through the room. They came to a sudden. All seemed calm for a moment. Until a shelf toppled to the ground and was pushed across the floor in a rough slide. A scathing sound accompanied the shelf sliding against the floor. But no one was in the room, no one was seen pushing it.
Another video was in Amanda's kitchen. This one in broad daylight and filmed by Amanda herself. Through a window, she pointed her camera at the beautiful garden. A perfect view save for a mysterious figure lurking near the garden. A tall figure that just stood there, their face guarded by shadows. As the wind ripped through their torn clothes, the figure turned and looked right on at the camera, right toward Amanda.
In the clip, her terrified screams blared over the footage. Almost instantly, cracks appeared all throughout the window, running along the glass like cryptic spiderwebs.
Jumping back, the horrified Amanda lowered the camera. She breathed heavy and staggered further back away from the window's new eerie design.
Everyone watching the video was captivated. And silent. Even Bridget.
On screen, Amanda took a moment to recover and regain her composure. She pointed the camera back out the kitchen window and got a clear view through the cracked glass. But the figure wasn't there. It was gone. The garden and shed stood all alone.
Amanda started to relax. She coaxed herself back to a more calm state of mind. Maybe she was just seeing things.
Then a harsh voice shattered those soothing thoughts with two cold words. "Die, Amanda!"
Full of fear, the frantic Amanda screamed as she waved the camera all around the kitchen. She pointed it at the fridge, the counters, the wooden table, everything. She expected to see the creepy figure lurking right behind her. But she was alone.
Amanda stopped screaming, but before she could relax, she noticed a long butcher knife lodged straight into the wooden table. The handle stuck straight out… challenging Amanda to grab it.
Amanda let out another blood-curdling scream and shut off the camera in a panic. In a startling transition, another video played on screen.
The video was taped off a camera from the upstairs hallway. It featured Amanda dressed in only a towel as she walked through the hallway, going toward the bathroom.
Like she could sense someone watching her, Amanda stopped and turned around. Her worried eyes scanned the scene. Her face said it all. This wasn't the expression of someone mad at herself for imagining things. This was the face of a person convinced someone was inside their house. However, no one was there. Amanda was alone. But she didn't believe it.
Fueled by anxiety, Amanda hurried into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. She was heard stumbling inside as she turned on the shower. The running water was heard through the quiet hallway.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Until a quick glimpse appeared: the figure from outside. They were transparent and nothing more than a blur. Their legs couldn't even be seen. But even their quick movement couldn't hide its glowering male face and tattered shirt. Or its seemingly-singular focus on the bathroom. He resembled an Angel without wings or promises of solace. A stalking specter.
In the living room, Kevin jumped back and yelled, feigning his over-the-top fright. Tony wasn't feigning his.
Annoyed, Bridget ignored Kevin and stayed focused on the video.
"Just keep watching," Amanda stated.
In the video, the creepy man disappeared just a few feet away from the bathroom door. His apparition had made a quick appearance. Quick enough to be frightening yet quick enough to not seem staged. Honestly, the footage wouldn't look out of place on a ghost video feed... but it looked so much more authentic. The man was simultaneously abstract and haunting.
The area was now silent save for the shower's onslaught of running water. Its incessant rhythm was reminiscent of pouring rain. It was soothing and pretty. But it seemed too safe. As if the man was waiting for the right moment to reappear for a brilliant jump scare.
In the bathroom, Amanda was heard turning the shower off. The running water stopped. Cutting through those few moments of silence, an invisible force snatched the bathroom doorknob and shook it rapidly, desperate to get inside. The unnerving noise replaced the running water, but it definitely wasn't as soothing. It had the same harrowing intensity of heavy footsteps following you in the dark or heavy breathing from a mysterious caller.
The whole time, no one was seen turning the knob. Not the man or anything that could be physically seen. Just the invisible force, a force of potent strength that kept rattling the knob. Amanda screamed and screamed in the bathroom. Responding to her cries, the force banged against the door in rapid succession, making it rattle with each ferocious hit. Amanda's cries grew louder. So did the force's hits. Someone wanted in to that room. Someone wanted Amanda. Right before the latest slam against the door, the video paused.
Exclusive Excerpt from Emotional Defect
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